Am I really going to be more patient?

Two nights ago, the first night of the Campaign and Day One of “Love is Patient”, I had one of those nights with my kids. Or I should say, ‘my kids had one of those nights.’ I have twin 5-year-old boys. That sentence in itself is supposed to tell a whole story, but you have to read between the lines.  In any case, they’ve never been good sleepers.  They were up every night for at least the first three years. After that, once in a while we’d have a night where we actually slept through until morning.  It very slowly got better, and now we’re mostly sleeping straight through the night.  Surprisingly, this did not come in handy for my practice in patience.  I have gotten used to sleeping all night! So let’s just say I was…not happy to be woken up 6 times out of the blue.  

Sometimes, when my husband isn't working, I can pretend I’m asleep so I don’t have to get up. He does it too, so I don’t feel bad.  It’s okay, I know when I can’t handle something.  I know when I’m not going to have the patience that I need to help them. But when I’m alone, I don’t have a way out. If I can’t find the patience, I yell. I cry. “Why are you doing this to me?!” might come out of my mouth in there somewhere. I know it sounds childish, but when you’re desperate and honestly just need sleep, strange things happen to you.

I had to stop and think. I couldn’t figure out why my son was so upset. I asked him. He said he didn’t know. Of course he doesn’t, he’s 5.  This isn’t a parenting blog, so let’s just assume I already tried everything that could be suggested. Nothing was working. And my patience was wearing thin. In fact, it was gone.  Then I got mad. I got mad at my little, precious 5 year old because he was crying for no reason in the middle of the night.

“God!” I cried out, “I have no patience! Give me your patience!” I was desperate. How can I teach others to be patient when I literally couldn’t find a string of it left in me? Jesus is in there somewhere. He said He lives in me. So I’m going to tap into that. I’m going to need some patience when I literally don’t have it. I’m coming up short. But with Him, all things are possible. He can even teach this old dog some new tricks.

Did I instantly feel better? No. I still felt helpless. I still really didn’t know what to do. But I asked God to come, to fill me up with His Spirit and give me the things I did not have.  I went back to my son’s room and spoke quietly to him for the third time. I told him I loved him. I don’t even remember what happened after that. But somehow the night quieted down and we all got some peaceful sleep.

I’m not sure I learned how to be more patient that night. But I learned to stop and cry out to God when I needed His help. I think for Day One, maybe that’s a good start.