Week Three: Love is not Envious

I typically don’t envy other people. I don’t see the point. Being jealous doesn’t bring me any closer to having what someone else has, it only makes me feel bad about myself, so what’s the point?  But just because I don’t normally get jealous of other people, doesn’t mean I don’t need to improve in this area. You know what the opposite of not being jealous of others would be? (Other than being happy for them of course.) Being thankful for what I have. That would pretty much cure our envy most of the time, wouldn’t it?

My husband and I bought this house that needed a ton of work. When we first looked at it, we saw what it could be. It needed paint, new bathrooms, floors, some new walls, new appliances, and the entire outside of the house, roof, and yard needed a complete overhaul. What were we thinking? We saw the potential, and we fell in love with it, so we bought it. We’ve done a TON of work, and it’s a  decent house now. But do you know what I see when I look at it? All the stuff we haven’t done yet. That’s all I see. I can’t enjoy my yard, because all I see is the pile of junk there, the weeds that aren’t getting cut over there, the overgrowth of whatever that is over there. There is so much work to do! I’m not exactly envying someone else, but I’m not at all being thankful for what I have. What if when I looked at my yard, I saw how much beauty we’ve sowed, how much transformation has taken place?

I know this is slightly different from envy, but I think it will help us to see how we can be loving in this area. We think the opposite of being envious is saying “oh that’s so great that they get to do that (poor me I can’t) but I’m not going to focus on me, I’m going to be happy for them!" I’m not sure that’s going to work. I think what will work is saying “oh that’s so great that they get to do that. I’m so thankful that I have this or that I get to do that.”

Does that make sense? We’re kind of killing two birds with one stone. I know there isn’t a ‘Love is Thankful’ week, but don’t you think thankfulness will remove all our envy? 

Maybe I can apply this to more than just my yard. Maybe I should apply it to the people in my life who aren’t what I want them to be. (CAUTION, DANGER ZONE.)

Don’t we look at people the same way I look at my yard?  There’s just so much to do. He has such a long way to go... If my son was just more like that... If my daughter was just less like this... If my husband would just treat me like this...

Isn’t that a dangerous place to be in? Somehow this feels like envy to me. Wishing people were something they’re not. Instead of being thankful for the things they are. Wow. Imagine if I lived like that!

Imagine if you had a mental list of all the ways your husband blesses you and is wonderful that you could tell yourself when he does that thing that he always does that you can’t stand!  Don’t you think it would help your heart to love him more?

I’m fortunate to have an amazing husband, so maybe it’s not fair. But he still has his moments. He has a lot of them.  There are things I think he should do, ways I think he should change. But you know what? I bet he could say the same for me. (AH!) And I DO NOT want to hear those things. You know what I hope he does when he’s mad at me? I hope he remembers all the good things about me. I hope he thinks about how I pick up his dirty socks off the floor by the laundry basket EVERY DAY, and I hope he remembers that I bring him his favorite coffee when he’s at work, or that I’m fun to be with. I hope he thinks of all those things when I do something stupid, because when I think about it, I do A LOT of stupid things.

I hope he doesn’t get jealous when he sees some other perfect wife. That would be crazy. And totally unloving. So it’s not okay for me either. 

Since this week is a Love-is-NOT-something week, and since just trying to NOT do something is really hard, I think our practice this week should be in thankfulness.  

And don't forget to be patient and serviceably kind, too.