Week 15. Love Always Endures

We begin with patience (Week 1: Love is Patient), and we end with something really close to it: Love Always Endures. There is a journey shown in this small sentence. It shows a beginning and an end. It shows a suffering, a beautiful hand-crafted story encompassing great loss and great joy. This is life. And this is how LOVE lives life. It always endures.

There are endless ways we all have to ‘endure’ in some form or other in our lifetime. From an infant enduring his 2 minutes of panic before he eats, to the mother enduring her desperate need for sleep. These are basic and survival ways to endure. Then there are harsher things we endure that spark some emotional endurance, like a fist fight between students at school, discipline from a parent, or harsh words spoken by a close friend. Worst of all are the things that we end up enduring for a lifetime, like physical trauma, adultery, or the loss of a loved one. Some things we endure for a short time and are necessary for normal and healthy living, but others we endure every minute of every day. These pains never leave us, but Love shows us that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Without hope, how could anyone move on from a traumatic event? When you lose a loved one, there is a time of grief where you can’t even think about moving on. This is completely acceptable and even healthy. But there seems to come a day, or maybe months or years, when you have a choice to walk out your life in “patient endurance” and choose love. Love always endures. Love endures all things.

A lot of people have heard, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” It’s supposed to be an encouragement, it’s like saying, “you can do it, you got this, you can handle it.” But I have to completely disagree with this line of thinking. First of all, it’s not biblical. The verse that most people are referring to when they state this is 1 Corinthians 10:13: “…God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” Temptation is referring to sin. The bible isn’t saying here you won’t face things more difficult than you’ll be able to endure. The bible is saying that you won’t be tempted to sin beyond what you are able to control, but God will give you a way out of the temptation. This is a huge distinction. The point is that God isn’t laying traps for us to see if we fall into sin and fail. He’s actually rooting for us. When something sinful and destructive falls into your path, He’ll offer a road around it. He’ll offer a door when you feel trapped.

It’s important that we understand the bible is NOT saying here that God won’t give us painful circumstances beyond what we’re able to endure. We know that ignoring or walking around something painful only makes it worse. We can’t ignore our problems. So why would God be offering a way to “escape” from an emotional struggle?

Does God bring unexplainable peace and joy and comfort in painful situations? Yes! But He isn’t saying He won’t allow these things to happen to us. Just look at your life. Look at the life of those around you. Have terrible and painful things happened? Do you really think it was within your ability to handle it?

The truth is, life brings many circumstances that are beyond what we can handle. But the truth doesn’t stop there, we have another truth to follow it. When we are weak, He is strong. When I can’t do it, God can through me. When I’ve had enough, He is there to pick me up and carry me THROUGH it. Not around it. Through it. Will we suffer? YES! Jesus promises suffering. Will life be crazy hard? Absolutely! But I have a Love in my heart that can bear and endure anything that comes my way. It’s not MY love. This is another important distinction. I can’t get through these difficult times by tapping into my own love that I’ve worked so diligently to practice or “put on”. I can only get through these things by tapping into the Love of my Creator, who has a bottomless barrel of love that flows through me so that I “never thirst again.” This conversation between Jesus and the “woman at the well” has always confused me. If Jesus is really like water that will make us never thirst again, then why am I always thirsty? And isn’t it healthy to be thirsty for God? But I think I am starting to understand it. The point is that you never have to go thirsty again. The water is always there, the Love inside of me is always ready to be drunk. But unfortunately, I forget about it over and over again, until my own love runs dry.

Love is patient, love is serviceable, love is not jealous and it does not boast. Love is not proud or rude and is not self-seeking. It is not easily offended and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. It doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with truth.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, always hopes, and always endures.

I am probably able to love like this (if I try really hard) about 2% of the time. This is my own judgment of myself and not a scientific calculation. I have a little bit of patience, but when I’m tired I have none. I’m good at not keeping a record of wrongs because I have a terrible memory, but there are some things I’ll hold onto. I’m not typically jealous, but if my husband is talking to a woman I don’t know I’ll have some interesting things to say. I could go on…

But I’ve learned that when I come to a place where I realize I have no love left, I cry out to God and all of a sudden, I have an infinite amount of patience, or kindness, or rejoicing. Do you see why God allows us to go through things beyond what we’re able? Because then we get an even greater gift! We get to tap into a resource that never ends. If I were able to endure all things in my own strength, I would never need God. Humans would never have had to reach out to God in the first place. We would have no tool for evangelism, and there would be no need for us to help anyone else. We go through things in life obviously stronger than ourselves, which help point us to something obviously greater than ourselves: Love. Love is greater. It is always there, and it never runs out. It endures all circumstances, even beyond what I’m able.

Thank God that He is Love, and that He offered Himself up completely for me, so I could learn how to Love like He loves.

Week 14: Love Always Hopes

One distinction between love and other forces is that love doesn’t end. With the onslaught of enemies and distractions to divide and destroy love, we need a Hope in our inner beings that rises up when all is lost. We need a Hope that passes our understanding, so that literally ‘when there is no hope’, there is still Hope.

It seems to me that hope usually doesn’t win in this life. We don’t end up experiencing joy, because too many bad things happen, love fades and gets lost, and all good things come to an end. The problem that we face with these thoughts as Christians is that they’re true. I have struggled with the thought that ‘sadness is all there is.’ There is no real joy. You may have a reason to celebrate, but then the next day brings the inevitable crash back down. I have struggled between the reality of sadness, and the truth of what Jesus came down to show us. After years of trying to figure out how both could be true, someone gave me a word from God, and I’ve lived off of it for years now. Someone finally got real with me. She said, “You’re right. In THIS world, there is no such thing as everlasting joy. You’ll never find it by searching here. But in GOD’S Kingdom, there is joy abounding!” I had an answer I could stand on.  Jesus came to earth to show us that we can bring this Kingdom and all its gifts (including joy) down to earth. What a beautiful hope that was implanted in my heart that day.

When all joy and hope are lost, I still have a hope. It doesn’t come from this world. It doesn’t come from my effort. It comes freely and wildly from heaven itself. Before I even came to know God, I felt the effects of this hope in my life. When I went through very dark times, contemplating ending it all, God gave me dreams so real and vivid that I can only explain them as complete and utter Hope. In the dream I would be happy, satisfied, and free, enjoying a beautiful moment, sometimes sitting on a beach, sometimes enjoying a mountain view. It may have been a trick of my brain, since it was so chemically imbalanced and dysfunctional, but I believe God’s hand was in it, purposed to implant a hope deep inside of me. No matter how bad I got, the dream was still there, and it was so real I felt it had to be a glimpse into my future*. There was hope.

(*Years later, I had a moment that matched one of these dreams, where I felt a peace and joy sitting alone on a beach on the other side of the world. The original dream may have been a trick of my brain, but my life actually brought this dream to pass, with an amazing feeling of satisfaction at the reality of it, and I have no earthly explanation for this.)

Eventually it was hope that brought me to God. I was seeking Him, without realizing it, and hope started to flow in. The amazing thing about hope is that it actually brings dead things to life. I was starting to feel alive. My eyes were being opened. I could feel my heart beating and blood flowing. And eventually I was feeling hope and love so intensely, I felt I was on fire compared to the cold, lifeless heart that I had before.

Hope is incredible.

So naturally, hope is an important part of love.

But there is an important distinction we need to make between Hope in Love, and selfish hope. Love cannot survive without hope, but selfish hope can also kill love. For instance, a parent might hope for a child to become something specific, all the while killing the very things that God actually intended for them.

Since today is my 9 year wedding anniversary to my beloved husband, I will use us as a reference. (Sorry babe.)

I married an artist, photographer, painter, musician, missionary. Without knowing it, I had hoped to keep him in a safe world, where he worked a boring job and we did fun and meaningful things together on the side. I honestly hoped he would become a plumber or electrician, something respectable because of its necessity and craft, but something that would also keep him, I’m ashamed to say, tame. I had a HOPE that he would be safe. Life would be easy. We would be NORMAL. I am now married to a police officer/ERT operator. Most of the things my husband does at work can not be discussed.  No, I didn’t get re-married, this is the same man. I did not even realize I had this selfish hope, until, thankfully, he did not meet my expectations. What I hoped for him was plainness and safety, but what I LOVE about him, is that he is, like God, totally wild and uncontrollable and unpredictable. Thank God, He placed a hope deep inside my husband that overrode my will for his life. If he followed my hope, instead of God’s call, I wouldn’t love and respect him the way I do today.

The worst part about this selfish hope is that it’s usually not what we really want anyway. I wouldn't be satisfied with a boring, predictable, tamed husband. What we really want, and what really satisfies us, is God’s plan. When we work and strive for our own plan, we end up unhappy AND confused that it didn’t bring joy. The best thing I can do for my husband, and my kids, and my friends, is to encourage them to seek and walk in God’s plan for their lives. For my husband, my goal is to help him stay on that path, because what I really want (beyond all my other desires for him) is for my husband to walk out God’s plan for his life. I also know that this is the BEST plan for MY life as well. My life will be so full of adventure and mystery and fun and meaning, as long as we’re on that path together.

Selfish hope will distinguish the love inside of you. Because even if this hope is fulfilled, it brings no joy or satisfaction with it. This is False Hope.

Be careful that your hopes for others and for yourself line up with God’s hopes. THIS is love: that we Hope for and earnestly seek God’s plan, that His Kingdom will be brought to THIS life. “Every good and perfect gift comes from above,” (James 1:17). When we experience joy and love and beauty in this life, we’re experiencing heaven! And we’re meant to be actively bringing heaven to earth daily. ‘Love always hopes’ is an excellent way to bring Heaven to earth.

“Don’t stop Believin’…

…Hold on to that feeeeeeelin’.”

This famous Journey song has a point. I don’t actually know what the listeners were meant to continue believing in, but everyone I know has not only heard this song, but can also probably sing a few lines. Whether you’re at karaoke or a doctor’s office waiting room, you’ll hear a few people chime in on, “don’t stop believin’.” These encouraging words hit something inside us. No matter who you are, or what you’re trying to do, this message is important. We all have moments that are too hard to go on. We evaluate, we strive, we take life into our own hands, we give up, we stop, we are done. Some moments I don’t have any feelings or emotions that tell me to go on. And yet, something inside of me, if I let it, can say, “Don’t stop believing. Hold on to that feelin’…”.

At the beginning of a run, I have a very confident feeling that I can go 2 miles without walking. But then I’m running and I start to doubt. Towards the end, I’m almost certain I’ll have to stop. But if I bring to mind the confidence that I had at the beginning, if I take the feeling I had in the past, and HOLD ON to it, I find myself finishing. I can take a past feeling, and make it real for here and now, without actually feeling it. This is called believing.

We have to do this sometimes. Not just in exercise but in daily life, especially in relationships and love. We “feel” all sorts of things for each other. Impatience. Jealousy. Disgust. But I can tap into something greater, something beyond how I feel, and make the choices to love based on a Love placed inside of me by my Creator.

Imagine if we all loved each other like that?

Imagine if the world saw us loving like that?

If our message to the world was, “It doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m choosing to love. Always. All the time. Never ending. Never failing.”, it would be impossible not to see Christ in us.

But so often this is not the case. We give up just like everyone else. We don’t love just like everyone else. Where have we given up? Or, more likely, where have we not even begun to love?

There are some areas of love that seem too impractical to even try. “Love always believes? What a stupid thing to say. When there is no hope, I’m sorry, but I’m going to admit that there’s no hope.”  NO! The bible says ‘Love always believes!’ It doesn’t stop believing! It always hopes! It never loses faith! It never gives up!

Love is patient, love is serviceably kind, love is not jealous, and it does not boast. Love is not proud or offensive. It’s not self-seeking, and it’s not easily offended. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, it doesn’t delight in evil, but it rejoices with truth! Love never gives up, never loses faith, always hopes, and always endures.

These things seem impossible, so we don’t even try. But here is your challenge: it’s time to love the way God does. Not just each other, but the whole world. If we actually loved like Jesus loved, we would be transformed, and the world might get to experience a little “heaven on earth”.

Week 13: Love Never Loses Faith

Love always believes.

The actual translation is “all things believes”. Obviously Paul doesn’t mean that love believes in all truths, or any doctrine, or any salvation. So what does he mean that Love believes all things?

The word for believes found in this passage is “pisteuo” which means “I believe”, but the word is actually derived from the  “peitho” which is "to be persuaded." In study, I learned that this word had a 'sacred significance' that the culture understood that we probably do not, about being persuaded by the Lord, or a ‘believing that proceeds from God’s implanting of faith.’

In other words, it starts with Him.

Human faith is wavering at best. Our beliefs sway to and fro with each wind. Science sometimes confirms things about God we already believed (we just heard a teaching about how scientists are discovering that the brain can actually be changed by specific practices, which we have always believed as the “renewing of the mind” found in Paul’s letter to the Romans.) But sometimes science seems to disprove something from the bible. Early Christians believed the earth was the center of the universe, or at least stood still, based on a verse in Joshua. When scientists proved that the sun was the center of our solar system, and that actually the earth revolved around the sun, the religious community went crazy, even putting people to death for such slander against the bible. When something like this happens today (like fights about evolution or how old the earth is), I just look at my loving God, my personal relationship with Jesus, and think to myself, “Who cares if science proves something I believed in isn’t true? It doesn’t change all my personal interactions with God Himself, it doesn’t change who He is, and it honestly makes no difference to me.”*  Science itself changes over the ages, so believing everything based on science requires just as much faith and stubbornness, or most likely even more, than religion, because with science, there is no personal and spiritual conviction attached. I strongly believe that the earth revolves around the sun. Does it affect my relationship with God and the plans that He has for my life? No. Sorry, it just doesn’t.

Our faith, our belief, starts with something that God placed in us. I’m not convinced that Jesus is Lord just because someone told me it’s so. I’m convinced because I’ve heard Him speak, I’ve felt His comfort, and I’ve gotten to know His guidance in my life, all because HE started an interaction with ME. HE called me out of the deepest waters. HE threw me a lifeline. He may respond to me seeking and searching, yes, but only because I am responding to the desire HE set within my heart.

The love that always believes and never gives up, is not something I have to strive for. It’s there. God placed it in me. It’s HIS LOVE that never gives up and always believes. In fact, when I try to love in my own strength, I fail miserably. Once I take my marriage into my own hands, and try to love my spouse with MY love, it runs out, I give up, it’s too hard, I can’t do it. But when I tap into God’s Love, I find an endless stream of life, a water that quenches my thirst so that I’ll never thirst again.

Loving in my own strength equals giving up, doubt, loss of faith, wavering belief, sadness, and criticism.

Loving from God’s “implanting of faith” means there is no end to the amount of love I can give. I don’t stop believing in this love, I am convinced God Himself put it there in me. And He doesn’t remove this gift from me, ever. Romans 11:29 says that, “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.” He placed this deep faith inside me and is not going to take it away. It doesn’t matter what I do. It will always be there. How can I not “believe all things” when this is the case?

Think about it. You have a resource of never-ending faith already placed inside your heart. Let’s ask God how to tap into it better, how to walk in the Spirit and the sacred truth placed in our hearts, rather than walking from every emotion or pain or fear in our minds. We are more than just a brain, we are a Soul, something so important to God that He planted little secrets inside there for us to seek after. It sets us apart from the other animals on earth**. We have a faith set deep inside of us, a gift that can never be taken away, which allows us to RESPOND to Him in seeking and searching.

One of the greatest desires I have for my life on earth is to have an adventure. What a waste life would be if there were no adventure, no discovery, no rush and thrill of wildness and chasing? And what better way to have an adventure than to seek this Wild God who gives us treasures along the way, hinting at a love and beauty that never end.

There is just nothing more satisfying than that.

Love Bears All Things

I think we can also look at this verse in the sense of what true love really is. True love isn’t about that feeling we get with ‘butterflies in our tummies’ (as my kids would say), it’s something Strong and Powerful enough to bear all things. Think about that. In order to actually bear all things, (including but not limited to: stupidity, selfishness, boredom, trauma, death and adultery) love has to be pretty powerful. This quote sums up the power of a Love that bears all things: 

“My love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break.”

This love is stronger than feelings, emotions, or circumstances. This is God’s love.

When I made a vow to be faithful to my husband no matter what, I really meant it. I had no idea what it would entail fully, nobody does. But it doesn’t matter. Your love in the moment when you say ‘I do’ is stronger than the what-ifs. Sometimes you don’t feel it, but you stand on the truth that Love Bears All Things. If you can get through a hard time together, you’ll look back and realize how much stronger your love is, how much more you love and respect each other because of it.

It goes beyond our spouses too. We’re supposed to love everyone this way. Not just our church family, or group of friends. Jesus even called us to love our enemies. In fact, Jesus goes so far as to say, “Do you think you’re special because you love your friends? Everyone loves those that love them!” We are called to an even higher place, where we love those who don’t love us.

I can’t help but wonder when love gives up, was it ever really love in the first place? If someone loves me, and then they don’t love me anymore, did they ever really love me? If Love Bears All Things, than is something that doesn’t bear all things not love? Or did we have love, but then made a choice to no longer love? If you make a choice to no longer love, was it really love to begin with?

If love really bears all things, then we shouldn’t be complaining so much about the people that love us, or the people we love, and we should even stop complaining about people we don’t like that much. We actually need to ask God for this Powerful Love, that outranks our fear, hatred, annoyance, or just plain dislike of someone else. We can walk in the Love that never gives up, that bears all things, that keeps going, keeps loving. Maybe you don’t know how to love like that. That’s okay. We’re asking God to help us, and we’re learning a lot about love along the way.

Remember, it’s about the heart. You may not love perfectly every moment, but as long as you’re on the journey, and saying YES to God when He shows you something, or corrects you, or even disciplines you, your heart will be in the right place.

Love bears all things. Let’s live it.

Week 12: Love Never Gives Up

The Greek text is “all things it bears”, so you’ve probably also read it as “Love bears all things.” The word for bears is “stegei” which literally translates as “placing under a roof” or “to cover, conceal or bear with.”

Endure. Cover. Protect. Shield.

Always.

The best example I have of this in my own life is God. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, where I go, who I am, what I choose, He is always there. He never gives up on me. He bears all things for me. He shields me and covers me. He washes away my sin. He walks me through my pain. He places a roof over my head, a home over my heart. He reassures me when I'm scared. He was with me in every moment. Even in my darkest hour. When I look back in prayer, wondering why God would let something so traumatic happen to me, I realize He was there. When I was utterly alone, scared for my life, and totally ignorant to what was happening, He was sitting beside me. He was holding my hand. And He was whispering to me that everything was going to be okay, and that He was sorry bad things happen. He doesn’t want these things to happen to us. That’s why He came. That’s why He teaches us to pray, “Father, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Because His will isn’t always being done on earth. On earth, horrible things might happen to us, outside of God’s plan for us. But He promises to always be there. To be at our side. To collect our tears. To comfort us. And to take all the bad things and turn it into something good. (Jer 29:11)

He just never lets go.

He never gives up.

Sometimes I give up. I want to give up a lot. Especially lately. I want to throw in the towel. I feel I just don’t have it in me anymore. I’ve been struggling with doubt. I wonder why God leaves me with something that I can’t shake, can’t overcome, something I keep coming back to in my darkest moments. I wonder if God is really changing me and shaping me and making me more like Him.

I feel that I need to Rejoice with Truth in this area of my life, but I don’t know where to start.

Sometimes the truth is far away, and we can only see it through a hazy fog.

Along with Rejoicing with Truth (Week 11), I also need to Never Give Up. The same way God never gives up on me. It’s so silly to think about giving up on God. He’s God. He’ll always be there. He always was. I am such a small and insignificant grain of sand compared to Him. How can I even question Him? And yet, His love for me is endless. It never leaves, it never forsakes, it never lets go. And so what can I do but also never let go, never give up, always stand on truth, even when I don’t understand? What can I do but press on, even when I can’t move? What can I do but believe He is the only way, even when I don’t see a way in front of me? What can I do but rejoice in His truth, the only one that makes sense, the only one that sets my heart on fire, the only one that makes me alive.

The only one that Fills My Heart With Hope.

Love Never Lets Go.

Love Never Gives Up.

Love Rejoices When Truth Wins

I like this translation. It’s not exactly what the original text meant, but it has more meaning for me personally. Love rejoices when truth wins. When Good beats Evil. When Love beats Fear. When we take steps in our lives to choose God over the world, I believe we should rejoice. Even heaven rejoices when people come to know Him.  We don’t make time to stop and rejoice in the good God is doing every day, but we definitely take time to complain about all the things that are Not Good. When I find myself completely miserably, sometimes when I think about all the reasons I have to NOT be miserable, it only makes me more miserable that I’m not already happy. (UGH what a vicious cycle). I definitely allow Evil to win in my life so often that I have an extremely difficult time letting Truth Win. I don’t even know how to do it.

I actually realized recently that perhaps I wasn’t happy because I didn’t know how to be.  I’ve trained myself so much to be miserable that now when I want to be happy, I don’t even know how to be. I focus on the negative all the time. It’s called pessimism, but I prefer “realism”. I like being a “realist” but I am also tired of only seeing the bad in everything. Suddenly “realism” has become “depressionism” because I’ve trained my eye to see all the bad stuff so that I am now blind to the good stuff.

If I really loved, I would have a joy beyond my circumstances. I would have a joy that would not be affected by workload, stress, or even vacation. It would be something beyond that.  Something that sees the truth and the good in everything. Something that rejoices with truth, because it sees truth winning all around. We hear about all the bad stuff, but we don’t really care about the good stuff. You want to know why The News is full of bad news? Because nobody wants to hear about the good stuff. If we wanted to, they’d sell it to us, trust me! But we don’t want to hear the good stuff. That’s boring. Tell me what someone did wrong, tell me a bad thing that happened, tell me what I should be afraid of, this is news! We don’t seem to be wired to want to hear the good stuff, we don’t seem to care When Truth Wins.

I think we need a complete overhaul in our hearts in order to really Rejoice with Truth.

Pessimism has its benefits, but its cons come anytime it keeps me from living in love. If I can’t rejoice with some truth in my life on a daily basis, than I’m really just delighting in evil. I have to take the time to stop and see where Truth is winning in my life, and Rejoice in it.

Week 11: Love Rejoices with Truth

The text here for Weeks 10 and 11 really go together. Week 10 which is “Love does not delight in evil” is followed quickly by “Love rejoices with truth”. Paul was showing here the opposite action of delighting in evil, which is of course rejoicing with truth. They are tied together, but I separated them into two weeks because I think we need to look at both separately to see how they practically work in our lives. Since we’ve already talked about not delighting in evil, let’s look at what it means to rejoice with truth.

Our most fundamental way to rejoice with truth is to read the Word. We hear a lot of versions of ‘truth’ from all kinds of sources on a daily basis. Not only from television or social media, but also in our own minds. I don’t know about you, but I hear a lot of things in my head that I have to choose not to believe in. I can only do this because of God’s Word. When I feel too many doubts and lies rise up in my mind, I go to the Word, where I know truth will wash over me, calm my mind, and bring peace to my soul. We rejoice with truth when we read the word and allow it to soak into our hearts.

Another way to rejoice with truth is to be genuinely happy for someone else’s gift. Let me explain. Someone with a spiritual gift is walking in truth when they exercise it. They are bringing something from heaven down to earth, which is what we should be praying for every day (remember Jesus’s prayer?). When we’re jealous of someone else’s gift, or we don’t appreciate it, or even dismiss it, we are not rejoicing with truth - we are snuffing it out (at least in our own hearts), and we do not benefit from this beautiful truth. It hurts when someone is better than me at something, or gets more attention for it, but I can rejoice in their gift anyway, because it’s from God, and because I am able to receive something from God through that person…once I get over myself.

My favorite way to rejoice with truth is worship. In worship, we are singing and exulting in truth. It’s setting us free, and God is reminding us that HE is reality, not the blinding world we live in. Isn’t it amazing how worship can bring you into a place where you realize nothing else matters? This is definitely Rejoicing with Truth.

Standing on truth

Another way to rejoice in the truth, I believe, is to Stand On It. It’s easy to believe lies, it’s easy to let evil win in small ways in our lives without even knowing it. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that can only be explained by realizing that somewhere along the line we’ve missed the mark slightly. Even the smallest veer to the right or left can set a traveler miles away from his destination. When we make small, seemingly harmless agreements with lies, we find ourselves far from where we intended to be. We say things like, “why is this happening to me?” “Why hasn’t God taken this from me yet?” “How long will I have to endure this pain?” Not always, but sometimes, it’s our own fault. We have agreed with and live by utter lies. The best way to let love win in our lives, is to stand on the truth and rejoice in it…even when we don’t see it.

It’s amazing that this has brought me into the next week, “Love Never Gives Up.” In a way, it’s a reminder to keep standing on truth, keep living in love, keep walking without fear. Keep going. Stand on truth. Rejoice. And maybe even…Repeat.

Why is this important?

What is love anyway and why does love not “delight in evil”? Why does Paul feel the need to say this in 1Corinthians 13? Some believe it’s because he’s addressing some major sin issues in the church in Corinth. A man is even sleeping with his stepmother for goodness’ sake and brags about his freedom in it. Paul seems to want to remind us that freedom in Christ doesn’t mean engaging in sin. LOVING Jesus results in being obedient to His word. So if we claim to love Jesus, why aren’t we obedient?

I think sometimes we love Jesus in the sense that we love the way He cleanses us and makes us whole. We feel alive when He comes and touches us, and we know we can’t live apart from Him. But we don’t really believe that He knows best. I don’t know why, but it’s true. We believe IN Him, but we don’t really BELIEVE Him. We kind of live with this question toying at the back of our minds:

“Is following Him really worth giving up everything for?”

Stop and think about your answer. You know in your head that the answer is yes, but really, stop and think about it in your heart. Do we really believe Jesus is worth giving up everything for? Do we really believe the gospel is Good News? Do we really believe it’s the best thing for everyone? If we have to give up something we love in order to follow Jesus, can we really claim HE is worth it?

Can we?

Can you? In your own life, do you really feel like giving up everything for Jesus was worth it?

Until we can answer this without doubt to the deepest part of our core, I’m not sure we can truly impact the world around us. When the world asks why their lifestyle goes against His law, I have to be able to say, “Because Jesus is worth it. There is nothing better.”

We have to believe this wholeheartedly: “Take the whole world, just give me Jesus.”

I have to know the following: You can take EVERYTHING away from me. My loving husband, my kids, my house, my possessions, even my memories, my past, my hopes and dreams, but Jesus can never be taken away from me, and that is really all I need. In life, in death, Jesus is the only thing I actually need. I could have EVERYTHING else I’ve ever wanted, but I will NEVER be satisfied unless I have the Living Water that Jesus offered to the woman at the well. (John 4)

Do I really believe Jesus is the Living Water, the satisfaction for my soul? Do I drink from it daily so that I never thirst?

If I’m constantly thirsty, maybe I’m not drinking the water. If I’m not drinking the water, I can’t tell someone else how important this water is, because I really don’t believe it.

Do you see what I mean?

Maybe I can fool people, maybe I can get them to drink the water even if I don’t know where it is. But eventually, it catches up to me. Eventually I stumble from thirst and exhaustion, I never really knew the Water, and I fall away. You know what happens to some of those people I helped along the way? They see me fall, and they fall too. So maybe I can impact the world around me for a short time, but in the end, I do more damage than good. Eventually, my doubt catches up to me, and when I fall down, I drag many with me.

I don’t want to fall. I want to run this race all the way to the finish line. I don’t intend to trip, but if I do, I won’t stay down, I’ll get back up again. I won’t let evil win. I’ll press on. I’ll dust myself off and try again. (Wow, there are so many songs here.) Paul talks about running the race, training our bodies so to speak, in order to reach the goal. The goal is unity with Christ. And I can run hard and not stop because I truly believe Christ is the ultimate prize.

Do you?

Week 10: Love Does Not Delight In Evil

This seems pretty straightforward. You’re probably thinking you are good on this week. Most of us aren’t actively practicing evil. For the most part, I think this Love Attribute is covering the fact that the law was given for our own good and should be followed. For instance, we shouldn’t be liars, thieves, murderers, adulterers, etc. We shouldn’t delight in these things, meaning we shouldn’t enjoy partaking in these evil activities.

There may be some evil things that you do have in your life that are being overlooked. Like lies for instance. Lying seems to be a pretty serious offense to God, and most people do this regularly or at least occasionally. I’m not here to point out all the ways you could be falling short of God’s Law, I think the Holy Spirit can do that for you. If you are struggling with a serious sin, go to God, seek counsel, and get the help you need to move on in freedom.

With that said, maybe I don’t have a huge debilitating sin in my life, like a pornography addiction, but there are some sneaky ways that I allow evil to slip through the cracks in my own life.

When I feel depression rising over me like an ocean, and I allow myself to sink under the waves, feeling its relief and familiarity, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I choose to let my anger entangle me in chains, and feel fully justified in doing so, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I serve someone with a selfish motive, but convince myself I’m doing the right thing anyway, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I refuse to stop and rest and let God speak to me, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I refuse to get over my pain and move on in my life when a brother or sister has wronged me, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I choose to love myself more than someone else, in this I am delighting in evil.

When I refuse to receive love because I’m too proud or wounded, in this I am delighting in evil.

Any time I let evil win in my life, and make an excuse for it or worse, am happy about it, I am delighting in evil.

I can not let evil win. I have to bring these things to God and have Him change my heart. It’s not about my actions, He has a plan and purpose to change me from the inside out. I can get rid of all the bad stuff, I can do the list of things that I know will make me a better person, but this doesn’t fix the actual problem. The actual problem is my heart, my heart so full of wickedness and delighting in evil, my heart that is being completely transformed and renewed because of the death of Jesus Christ, the blameless and spotless sacrifice. Because of Him, I am made new, I am cleansed, I am free to live and love and walk a life without fear. I am free to let Love Win...In my heart, in my life, in my walk with God and in my relationships with others. Love does not delight in evil, because evil entangles us, and love is freedom.

No Fault Policy

This week has been trying as I’ve struggled with what it means to love in the area of “Not holding a record of wrongs”. How can we actually live like this? How can we actually LOVE like this? It doesn’t make sense. Am I supposed to forget everything done to me? Should the church focus solely on creating a scientific device that can search for grudges or complaints in my mind and erase the information so I no longer feel that way? Obviously, this is not the case. God doesn’t want me to be less aware, but more aware. The more I am wronged, the more opportunity I have to love. So how do I do this?

I woke up today and asked God to show me for the tenth time this week, "Please God, show me something!" He finally responded, or at least I finally heard His response. He said, “NO FAULT”. That’s it. He didn’t explain it. He didn’t expand. He just said “NO FAULT” and I know it was God because it didn’t relate to anything else I was thinking and it came out of nowhere.

NO FAULT.
In New York State, we have a policy for car accidents called No Fault. In an accident, someone can still technically be “at fault” because the police will issue tickets based on who caused the accident, but the person at fault will not be held responsible for the other person’s medical bills. If you are in an accident, and someone else is at fault, their insurance company is not responsible for you. Your own company has to pay your medical bills, which is why EVERY New York driver must have insurance. You have to cover your own butt if you get hurt.

How does that relate to LOVE?

I think not holding a record of wrongs doesn’t mean it’s never someone else’s fault. Sometimes it really is, and the judgment from the higher authority is still there. The ticket may still be issued by God, the ruling may be made. But I can not hold the offender at fault. I am not allowed to demand that they pay my hospital bills, or in other words, pay for my pain. They are not responsible to make up for the pain that they’ve caused me. I need to release this “right” in my heart and mind. I need to instill a No Fault policy in my heart towards those who wrong me.

The beauty of it is this: When I release them, I am released.

It’s the same as the chains I found myself in when I chose to walk in anger instead of love. Unforgiveness, or believing someone owes me a debt, puts me in chains or bindings. I am bound up in such a way that I am tied to the person I won’t forgive.

We think of forgiveness as releasing someone else, but when we forgive, we’re really releasing ourselves.

Love is selfless, so it’s full of grace and forgiveness.

I keep looking at all these Love attributes in the sense that if I follow them, it will be better for all of those around me. And it’s true, it will impact them, but it will also impact me. My life will be better when I walk in Love instead of bitterness, fear, resentment or anger, because I will be FREE.

That’s the point of “Love does not hold a record of wrongs”…Freedom.

Week 9: Love does not keep a record of wrongs

Throughout this Love challenge, I’ve been hearing some very difficult lines in my head. They keep repeating to me when I’m upset with someone, when I’m frustrated with my kids, when I’m unsure of what I want in life. They remind me of the Beatitudes or the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5, but in today’s wording.

If Jesus hadn’t come 2,000 years ago, and instead was here today, I think we’d have a few hundred youtube videos of Jesus standing in a parking lot saying the following:

It’s better to be taken advantage of, than to take advantage.
It’s better to be cheated, than to cheat.
It’s better to be abused, than to abuse.
It’s better to be offended, than to offend.
It’s better to suffer, than to cause suffering.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul is addressing some issues in the church of Corinth. One of the issues is the Corinthians bringing each other to court with lawsuits. This is really disappointing to Paul, so much so that he says to them, “Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?” (1 Corinthians 6:7)

Why not let yourself be cheated? It’s better than holding a record of wrong and demanding justice for the injustice done to you.

Ouch. I mean really. I’ve said ouch before, but this one could dramatically change my life.

I’ve been struggling with love because I’m finding that it’s always being the bigger person, always loving someone else more than yourself, always getting hurt but never being offended. I can’t help but wonder if this is really what God wants for us. I truly believe that the gospel is Good News, and that living in love is the best thing for us, and yet, when I look at it this way, it’s a really, really hard pill to swallow. The effort of swallowing this pill would be like trying to fit a camel through the eye of a needle. I’m not sure I can love like that, and I’m not even sure I want to.

I want to fight for injustice. I want to stand up for what I believe in. I want to stand up to bullies. I refuse to accept abuse or negativity.

But I’m not actually sure that’s right.

Do you see my struggle?

In the bible, Jesus only took a physical stand against injustice once, when he flipped the tables over at the temple. He was angry at the money-makers who were exploiting people who wanted God.

But other than that, Jesus didn’t really stand up to bullies. When crowds and mobs tried to kill him, he ran away or slipped through the crowd because the bible says it “wasn’t his time”. But eventually folks, it was his time, and instead of standing up to bullies, not only did he not even try to defend himself (read the conversation he had with Pontius Pilate) he allowed himself to be tortured and killed.

He healed the sick, he fed the hungry, he cast out demons. But even when they brought the adulteress woman to him, he didn’t seem to “fight for injustice” in the way that we think of fighting. He crouched down to the ground in silence, deep in thought, and finally made a soft and very wise comment that caught everyone off guard.

We think we’ve really grasped what Jesus came down to show us. But we’re still looking for an all-powerful king to come down and make everything right, just like the Jews were looking for. Because of this, they actually missed their king when he came.

Jesus seemed to have a more gentle approach that really throws us off.

I think this approach is love.

Think about Psalms, it’s full of injustice. But verse after verse, the writer is crying out for God to come with HIS justice. “How long, oh Lord, will you let me suffer?” “Devour my enemies.” "Make them a footstool underneath my feet." The psalmists were continually calling out to God to fight their battles FOR them, and waiting patiently on Him to do so. There is something here for us.

It’s hard. It’s so different than the way we live, but somehow if we can grasp this, I think we’ll make the world a better place.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, post a comment and tell me what you think.

Little Things That Are Tied To Bigger Things

This week we’ve been talking about how Love is Not Easily Angered. Sometimes we’re impatient, or selfish, or we just don’t love like we should. This results in us being easily angered, offended, or provoked. It may feel difficult, but with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, some exercises in thankfulness, and focusing on the positive traits in the offender, we can usually get past them. But then there are those little things that happen which cause a reaction in us much BIGGER than was warranted. Sometimes, we’re just too sensitive, but other times, there is more going on.

A friend of mine was recently spilling her guts about some things her mom did that totally bugged her. It was driving her crazy. She was upset. She complained about every little thing her mom said, didn’t say, did, didn’t do. From my perspective, the things her mom did weren’t that big of a deal, but the situation was actually causing her a great deal of pain. As we talked, she mentioned a big fight they had a few years ago, which was never really resolved. Bingo. Guess what my friend is dealing with? A wound that never healed.

Sometimes when we’re offended, it hits a deep and painful wound that hasn’t healed yet. Something small could translate to us as a huge offense, “hitting a nerve” so to speak, because we’re actually wounded and bleeding and usually, we don’t even know it.

When we’re initially wounded, we tend to “get over” the pain without actually dealing with it. You know the old saying, “time heals all wounds”? Well, I think there is a chance some minor wounds will heal by themselves over time, but in a large wound situation, we need to be involved in the healing process. Ignoring this type of wound does not make it go away. You may, however, forget about it for a time. Think about it like back pain. People who live with back pain can generally function at a normal level. They have a mild amount of pain every day, but they just live with it. They get used to it. But then they go to lift that box, or kick that ball, and BAM, the wound has brought itself to the surface. "Remember me?" it asks. It never really healed. It just went behind the scenes for a while.

This happens with our deep emotional wounds, too. We don’t really know how to get through them. We let them scar a bit, and as long as they’re not bleeding everywhere and on everyone, we move on. But God loves us too much to let these wounds go unnoticed. God uses people and circumstances in our lives to remind us of the wounds that aren’t healed yet. He loves us, and wants the best for us, and doesn’t want us to live forever with the same wounds. He is the Perfect Healer, the Doctor for our souls. But remember, He is also patient, so He will allow you to hold on to your wounds again and again. He will wait, scalpel ready, for us to say, “Doc, you’ve gotta do something here. This hurts too much, and too often. I’m ready.”  Until then, He’ll allow situations to remind us of the pain, all in the hopes that we will bring this pain to Him so He can help us truly heal.

As I deal this week with being impatient and easily angered, or easily brought to tears, I’m asking God to come in and heal the places that hurt too much. I don’t want to be easily offended, I want to walk in forgiveness and really love my God and the people around me.

Sometimes we don’t want to let God heal us, because we want to stay angry with someone. They really deserve it, don’t they? But remember, when we choose to walk in anger, we end up ourselves in chains.

I don’t want to be in chains. I want to be free. So I don’t want to walk in anger and pain, I want to walk in love and forgiveness.

An Angry Dream

Last night I was studying the original Greek for this text and looking up verses trying to find another angle to write about. The best biblical translation I found was “is not easily provoked”. But more in depth study brought me to an interesting definition for this Greek word “provoke”. It has more feeling to it than just being annoyed or impatient. The word itself was defined like this: to arouse anger, provoke, irritate, to incite ("jab") someone and stimulate their feelings, become emotionally provoked (upset, roused to anger), getting to someone, spurring someone to action.

Spurring someone to action. Our anger does spur us into action, doesn’t it? Anger can make us want to punch something, yell loudly, leave, or if you're like me, you’ll cry (and maybe do those other things too.)

I wrote down all the things I studied, but then walked away and asked God to give me some kind of revelation about what it means that Love is Not Easily Angered. Here’s what happened:

I had one of those dreams that was so intense I still believed it to be true even after I woke up.  In my dream, my husband was being a total jerk. My children and I were being attacked and instead of helping us, he acted like I was overreacting. We kept fighting and fighting and he was just so obviously wrong. I was furious. I had every right to be. I might have even punched him in the face. I at least thought about it. I started wondering what was wrong with him. Eventually, I took our kids and left, and told him I didn’t want to hear from him until he was ready to apologize.

At this point I half woke up.  I was so angry with him because it felt so real, I refused to roll over to hug him and let the relief of reality pour in. I decided to stay angry, and stay where I was in bed with my back to him. Somehow I was back in the dream, right where I had left him, and the ground began to make metallic clinking sounds. I looked down to see what it was, and realized... I was in chains.

God spoke immediately to my heart: “THIS IS THE RESULT OF CHOOSING ANGER.”

WHOA. I had every right to be angry, believe me, if I went into the details of the dream, you would agree. I was in the right. I could even go so far as to say I was “righteous.” My righteous anger was in full gear, protecting my children and everything that was good in the world. But when I decided to WALK in anger, instead of love, I found myself immediately in chains.

The bible says, “in your anger, do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) The actual emotion of anger itself is not a sin. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to be angry when someone hurts you. Even Jesus was angry a few times. But what are you going to do with it? You have a choice to make, to act in your anger and pain, or to act in Love. God allows us this choice, because without choice, there would be no true love. If we choose incorrectly, we set out to punish the person who caused our pain, but instead, we punish ourselves. We lock ourselves into chains that immobilize us and keep us living in fear, far from love.

I do NOT want to live in chains. The good news is that God doesn’t want me to either.

He’s rooting for me. He’s rooting for you. He’s there to show us how to walk in Love, even when we’re hurt and angry.

This is tough. It goes against our human nature. There is a part of us that doesn’t want to be taken advantage of, or to let things go, or to forgive. We believe that if we do, we’ll be teaching people they can constantly sin against us. If someone hurts me, I have to punish them, rebuke them, convict them so that they learn not to do it anymore. We fear that if we love people the way God calls us to, our lives will be worse and we’ll be in constant pain. So we do not love, because…we fear those things.

The reason we believe this is because, I think, it’s partly true. BUT God calls us to walk this way anyway. Think about it. Jesus could have lived differently on earth. He could have followed the law like the Pharisees instead of following the Love of the Father. But He chose love. He understood the HEART of the law, because He understood the Father, and He walked according to what the law was actually about...Love. This drove the religious people crazy. He chose Love, so He suffered and died for it.

It’s possible that some of our choosing Love may actually cause us pain. We may suffer for it. But I’m certain in the New Testament Jesus says a few times that we will need to take up our own cross. He promises some tough stuff for those who walk in the truth, doesn’t He?

The other side of it is that, this fear isn’t based entirely on truth. We can not “convict” other people for the pain they cause us. Only the Holy Spirit can convict a heart. When we think we’re “convicting” or “helping”, usually we’re rebuking and judging. Mostly, this pushes someone farther away, because we’re not being loving, and they know it. So in actuality, the only way to stop this vicious cycle is by loving someone, praying for them, and allowing the Holy Spirit to do the work in their hearts that will show them how to love better. Eventually they may love you in such a way that it doesn’t hurt anymore.

We are afraid that when the bible says "Love COVERS sin" (also called grace), it means that "Love ACCEPTS sin" (also called tolerance), but this is NOT the case. Accepting sin and saying it's okay based on a “tolerance” outlook is not the same as covering sin based in love. We’ll talk more about this next week.

We’ve talked about fear. We know we need to choose to live in love and not fear. James gave us a really great way to walk in this when he said in his letter, “perfect love casts out all fear.” If I take up my cross, and give up all my “rights” and start walking in love, my fear of being hurt and taken advantage of will start to fade away. If I really walk in love, I won’t be able to walk in fear. I’ll have to let it all go, because I’ve chosen the Way of Love, and Love casts out fear. Then, when I'm really loving God and those around me, I might encourage them to do the same.

**I feel the need to point out that if you're in an abusive situation, I'm not encouraging you to cover someone else's sin to the point of your physical detriment. You can love and give grace from a distance when safety is at stake.**

Week 8: Love is Not Easily Angered

This is an interesting one. Maybe you don’t find yourself to be a very angry person or at least you’re not ‘quick to anger’. But there is another translation you may have read: Love is not 'quick to offense' or ‘easily offended’. I am brought back to Week 6 “Love is Not Rude” because this is the other side of being offended. ‘Love is Not Rude’ means that if I love, I shouldn’t be doing inappropriate or offensive things. I know, trust me, I’m trying. But on the other hand, it also means that I won’t be easily offended by rude and inappropriate things people do. Right?

I wish everyone loved me with this love, because I’m so rude and inappropriate and try so hard not to be. I choose to believe that God is changing my heart, and that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, so He is shaping my heart in His perfect love so that eventually I will never offend or hurt anyone. But until then, will you love me with the love that covers my imperfections? Will you love me so much that when I do something offensive, you stop and think about what I meant, or how I could have said it differently, or think about the fact that maybe I truly didn’t know it was offensive? In Week 6, we talked about how if you don’t know something is offensive, it’s not unloving to do it.  But if you KNOW it’s offensive and do it anyway, THAT is unloving. (Remember men judge the actions, but God judges the heart.) So if I do something that hurts your feelings, but I honestly didn’t know, your love actually needs to cover me and be stronger than your hurt. I’m NOT saying your hurt doesn’t matter. I know it does! I am always so sorry when I’ve offended someone. I DO NOT want to hurt you! Your pain is real and totally valid. But sometimes, our love for others has to be greater than the pain they cause us. I’m not talking about sticking around with an abusive person. I’m talking about not being easily offended by things that rub you the wrong way.

I’m speaking from the perspective of the offender here because typically this is the way it goes for me. It’s not that I’m never offended, I am OCCASIONALLY on the defense of this. When I am, I really try to think about it and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. What did they mean when they said that? Were they just trying to be funny? Did they know that would hurt my feelings? Usually, I can find a valid reason to not be mad at that person. I can chalk it up to different personality, different communication style, etc. But once in a while, I honestly will think you’ve done something purposefully to hurt my feelings, and then I may be offended.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all stopped doing things that hurt other people?

Absolutely!  (I think that’s why Week 6 comes first, it’s better to just not offend people.)

But wouldn’t it also be great if we stopped being offended or angry at the things other people do?

We find this problem heightened in the church. We’re supposed to love each other right? Jesus says the world will know we’re His disciples by our love for each other. The 6th step is to not be a jerk (Week 6), but if I AM a jerk, how many times should you forgive me? Up to 7 times? Remember when Peter asks Jesus this question and Jesus shakes his head and says something like, “dude, not 7 times! Try 70 times 7!” Meaning, don’t count the amount of times, just let it go.

Must I insert here the famous song from Frozen “Let it Go”?

A very wise man once taught in our church about being easily offended. He said to let an offense roll off you “like water off a duck’s back”. If you’re an established FOH member, you’ll remember this teaching by these simple words: “quack, quack”.

Quack, quack, like water off a duck’s back. People are going to be stupid. They’re going to offend you, hurt your feelings, and even be inappropriate and rude. It’s not loving of them, so you have every worldly right to be offended. But do you know what God says? God says love is not easily angered or easily offended. So do you have every spiritual right to be offended? Sometimes, yes. But most of the time, let’s be honest…No. If we really loved each other, we’d see past imperfections, focusing on the good, and loving anyway.

I’m sure you can list my imperfections. I can probably list yours. But our relationships are only going to work if we focus on the good in each other. When my husband does something that drives me crazy, I remind myself of all the wonderful things he does. I do this because I LOVE HIM. And since we’re all supposed to love each other, we should be doing this for EVERYONE. Does this mean never pointing out a fault? Not necessarily. If you really love me and bring something to my attention that I did wrong, I will try to listen to it and take it to heart. But if you bring something to me that I did wrong because you’re angry with me, how do you think I’ll react? Probably not great. Speaking truth is important, but it’s completely useless (like a clanging symbol) unless I’m speaking the truth IN LOVE. 

This week, let’s look at areas where we’re easily angered or offended. Let’s forgive people who offend us. And please keep in mind, that others may still be working on Week 6 and allowing God to work in their hearts so that they offend less. Please remember when I do something rude that I really love you, and am trying to love you the way God commands me to. And then when you’re offended by me, I’ll remember that you love me, and I’ll forgive you for not covering my faults.

Why God-Seeking is the only way that works

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. Partly because of this 15 Weeks to Love campaign, but also partly because, well, I’m a woman. I have questions running through the back of my mind like, “what do I want out of life?” and “what will make me happy?” These questions can have positive impacts on our lives, but let’s face it, they are the epitome of self-seeking. It can’t be a coincidence that I find myself struggling with them this week. The problem is, I really can’t answer the questions, so I find myself getting depressed and sinking down into myself. "I don’t even know what I want?!" (typical woman). I can think of a handful of areas I may have pursued in life if I hadn’t fallen in love and had crazy-cool kids. I may have been a missionary in Africa, I may have pursued singing and song-writing, I may have pursued my interest for language and would be able to speak fluently in several languages by now. Being married and having kids didn’t keep me from these things, I WANTED to be married and have a family. I’m not sure why I think about what I would have done if I wasn’t. But even if I was able to pursue those things now, with a husband and kids, I’m still not sure they would make me happy.

So last night, I finally decided to ask God to come in and help me with all these thoughts and struggles. When I did, I realized God was showing me that no matter what I choose, I’ll never really be happy or fulfilled unless it’s what God wants for me.  What I TRULY want is more of God and to fulfill His calling and purposes for my life. This is the only way that works.

Let me explain. We know that following our every desire and whim doesn’t actually make us happy. Look at Hollywood. The rich and famous either have or can obtain everything they want but they’re not actually happy. You can’t argue with me on this, we all know it.

But sometimes what we do is swing the pendulum to other side, thinking that if we live for OTHERS (or Others-Seeking), we’ll be truly satisfied. Let me explain why this doesn’t work. When I live to serve others, ignoring my desires in order to help someone else (we call this ‘shoving it down’) my desires tend to get hungrier and hungrier until one day I snap and do something crazy with all the desire I have inside me. Shoving your own desire down or ignoring it does not make it go away. It starves your desire and makes it uncontrollable.

When I seek God with my desires, or when I’m God-seeking, do you know what happens? My desires don’t get shoved down, they get brought to the surface, they get filled with His Spirit, and HIS desires start to take shape in me. My desires become the desires of my Beloved. I don’t have to control them or contain them or push them down, because they are Good and Fulfilling and Satisfying.

Do you see the difference? I can’t ignore my soul-searching questions. Maybe I can for a time by distracting myself with something else. But they’ll keep coming back. And if I keep ignoring them, my once-healthy desire may lead me astray because of its desperation to fulfill itself. But when I bring my questions and desires to God, instead of getting shoved down, they get amplified in such a way that I realize I will never be satisfied unless I’m walking out my desires WITH My Love right beside me.

Being in love may help us understand this concept. I really want to go to Venice someday, really, really, really. But I wouldn’t imagine going by myself, I want to go with the love of my life! The trip would be infinitely better if I went with my husband, enjoying everything together, making beautiful memories, sight-seeing with two perspectives, and getting to taste two meals at each restaurant instead of one. Isn’t it always better when we’re together? If I went by myself, I could still have fun, but there would be a tinge of sadness in each moment that I couldn’t share my joy with someone else.

This is what God does with my desires. When I bring them to God, He seems to actually intensify my desires to show me that they will only be satisfied if I walk them out WITH HIM.

Sometimes this is painful or uncomfortable. I have to be vulnerable and express my heart, I have to allow Him into areas I may have ignored for a long time, or things I may be afraid or ashamed of, but I have to do it. Because, as you can see, God-seeking is the only way that works.

When our service to others is actually selfish

Have you ever found yourself serving someone else or doing a nice deed for someone, and then realize that you actually did it for yourself? (You’ll know if afterwards you feel empty or even disappointed.) Or have you ever received a gift from someone, or had someone do something nice for you, and it seemed weird or out of place? When I analyze these situations, sometimes it’s because the person wanted to help me out of a desire to fill their own needs, not out of an overflow of love for me.

We do this. We serve and serve and get ourselves tired. Why are we tired? Because we’re not serving in love. We’re serving because we’re seeking our own approval, our own accomplishment, our own satisfaction at a job well done.

I hate to break it to you, I hate to break it to myself, but this is self-seeking.

Should I stop feeding the poor? No. Should I stop serving others? No. But at the same time, can I at least look at why I do the things I do?

Sometimes our acts of kindness or thinking of others is actually selfish. Ouch.

Is it better to not serve or think of others? No, I still think it’s better to serve, but be careful. If you get yourself all tired out for God (also known as Christian-burn-out), you’ll end up full of regret, possibly far away from God, and maybe even confused about why people don’t repay all your good deeds.

We see this in the church all the time.

Because we live in fear, not love. We try to follow the Word, do the right thing, serve others, etc, from a place of fear. If we actually loved, we’d serve with a different attitude. We’d be content, at rest, and not constantly searching for the next person to help and rescue and save. We’d be patiently waiting for instructions from God, AND since we’d be resting, we would be free to hear his direction and ready to go when it comes.

I don’t know how not-being-selfish turned into rest. Something which, by the way, God commands for us. It’s even in the 10 commandments. Weird. It’s right in there along with murder, stealing, coveting, adultery….how weird to also command rest. Maybe it’s important.

You would think the opposite of SELF-seeking would be OTHERS-seeking. But it’s not. The opposite of SELF-seeking is GOD-seeking, and there is an infinite amount of rest in that.

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to "love God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Luke 10:27) He could have just said love God with your heart, soul, mind and strength, but he repeated himself and added all those extra words because he was emphasizing the point. It was important! He said the second commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." So if our main focus and goal is to serve others, I think we’re actually missing a big piece. The only solution to self-seeking is to love God with all our strength, or in other words, be God-seeking, and THEN to love others as ourselves. It’s interesting that He doesn’t tell us to take our love for God and also love others with that same love. He says to love others as we would love ourselves. God is still priority here. So if I’m serving someone else, I really want to look at my heart and ask myself if I’m serving them because I want some kind of recognition, because it seems nice or right, or if I’m serving them because I love God so much!

It’s weird. I know. Go ahead and keep on serving, serving is good, but be aware of your heart. Is your love for God consuming all of your mind and soul and heart and strength? Because that should be priority, and it’s our only way to truly combat selfishness.

Week 7: Love is Not Self-Seeking

I love this word seeking. It’s implying more than just selfishness. The seeking to me implies a constant search, one that is never satisfied. If I’m self-seeking, I’m constantly looking for things to make me happy, to complete me, to fill my needs. I am not content or at peace, instead I need to constantly fill my own desires at every moment. This is selfishness, yes. Putting my own needs first. But there is more here. Sometimes we can excuse selfishness because it’s necessary to life and makes sense. For instance, take the airplane safety drill: you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. I find this funny, as if I need to be told in a sure-death scenario to take care of myself before helping someone else. This is one rule I’m sure to follow. I’m positive I’d put my own mask on and get myself ready for impact, and then IF I had time leftover to spare I MIGHT think about the other passengers on the plane. But even then, probably not. I’d most likely think of my family, how much I’LL miss them, how said I WILL BE that I don’t get to live the rest of my life. Right? I’ll be thinking of myself, and if you’re a normal human being, you probably would too.

The Greek word in 1 Corinthians 13:5 has really got me thinking about the word seeking. The actual word “zeteo” is not only I seek or search for, but also desire, demand and require. That’s interesting. Some people “require” things from you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes they demand. Sometimes we require people to treat us a certain way, or even demand it. The definition of the word is this: to seek by inquiring; to investigate, to reach a binding resolution; to search, "getting to the bottom of a matter.” It’s kind of like not giving up until you get what you want. And in this case, the “what you want” is something for yourself, for your own gain or pleasure. There is a strong amount of effort shown here, it’s a seeking, a striving, a continual trying to obtain “the things of its own”.

We’re all basically selfish. We know that. If you don’t know it, you’re probably not a parent. But someday if you ARE a parent, you will find out how selfish you are. Recently a good friend of mine had a baby and blogged about her discovery in this area. Check it out. I love it because she’s a really practical and compassionate person. So she knew what it was going to be like, and it still came as a shock. It always does.

We’re born selfish, and there are probably some scientific reasons for this, like in order to stay alive and survive we need these instincts. A baby pretty much needs to cry to inform you of all of its needs (and then some). This is definitely self-seeking. They usually don’t stop until you’ve given them what they need. But this is important to their well-being. If they never cried, we may not know when to feed them, or when to stop feeding them. You get the idea. There is an amount of self-seeking that is healthy, like eating when you’re hungry, or drinking when you’re thirsty, otherwise, you’ll die.

But this doesn’t excuse all the rest of our selfishness. You know, the other 99.999% of the times we’re self-seeking. I would say for most of us in America, all of our basic needs are being met on a daily basis. We aren’t usually going hungry (skipping a meal once in a while because of too much work does not count), most of us have shelter and beds and transportation and healthy water and a whole plethora of other stuff on top of this list that we think we need but don’t really need in order to survive. 

I don’t think Paul is saying “Love doesn’t eat when it’s hungry”. I think Paul is talking about something much deeper and more meaningful. He’s saying “Love isn’t constantly searching to please its own desires. It’s content, thankful, and it’s calm and peaceful enough to see when others have a need, ready to be able to fill that need if God desires Love to do so.” Love is not consumed with itself. It’s not consumed with getting enough done in the day so that it feels accomplished, it’s not consumed with making as much money as possible, it’s not consumed with making sure it eats better than everyone else from fear of cancer, it’s not consumed with plans for the future, worries about tomorrow, events and gatherings and groups and getting in all those yoga classes because my body isn’t what it used to be. Love is not consumed with anything but loving and pleasing God, therefore it’s ready to be patient, to serve, to rejoice with truth, to not lose faith, to always hope, to always endure because it’s not caught up in all the other stuff that we strive for day after day, moment after moment, that ironically drags us far away from what we really need and want! Love is a movement, love is messy, but love is also At Rest because love is not striving to fulfill itself. And the funny part is, once we stop striving to fulfill ourselves, we’ll actually be in a place where we can be fulfilled. “Cease striving, and know that I am God.” This verse in Colossians says it all. God doesn’t just say “stop worrying”. God also adds “I’m God. You’re not. You can rest now.” Love is Not Self-Seeking because “Love is At Rest.” That’s my goal for this week: to be at rest. Will you join me?

What’s the Big Deal?

I am wondering why Paul felt that the word rude or inappropriate was so important to the list of love attributes. It seems like a small thing, and this week I didn’t have to think about it much, which is saying a lot, since I would tend to consider myself an inappropriate person. For instance, I don’t seem to pick up on normal social cues, which puts me in awkward situations more than I would like. I also seem to cross the line when I’m in a group setting, and just in general, I find being inappropriate quite humorous. With all of that being said, I don’t feel that I struggled this week with being rude. At least, not to your face.

I may not have said the wrong thing or acted unbecomingly, but in my heart, or to my husband, or to my close friends, I may have complained about you. I may have said something rude about you, or thought of something I wish I could tell you because you’re messing it up. I may have even said that you’re not thankful enough for me and all that I do for you. All of those things (although hidden to most) are rude and inappropriate and unbecoming. When I talk about someone, I look bad. I become a gossip and an untrustworthy, un-LOVING person. The exact opposite of a Christ-follower.

So I find myself once again at the place between “acting in love” and “being in love”. How sad would this whole campaign be if it only taught me how to act out love but not to actually love. If I’m only cross-checking my actions and how I’ve affected others, and never actually looked at my heart, what have I gained? I keep coming back to the heart. It has to come from my heart first. But how?

First and foremost, I am praying. I am asking God constantly to change my heart, mold me, shape me, to give me His love. This whole 15 weeks may be in vain if it doesn’t start with His love and grace taking shape within me.

Week 6: Love is Not Rude

Love is not rude, or does not act unbecomingly. In other words it is proper, fitting and appropriate. Maybe this week will help us to understand what it means to ‘speak the truth in love’ (Ephesians 4:15). Speak the truth when it’s fitting or appropriate, not necessarily any time I want to spit out the harsh truth. Love in such a way that brings you and others honor, not shame. When I say something that hurts someone else (even though it may be true), it brings shame to my life. I look bad. I look judgmental. AND I make God look bad. But when I act truly loving, God honors me and I show God’s glory in my life.

Love does not seek to cause problems or to belittle others. Love chooses appropriate actions and responses that HELP others. I LOVE the word chooses. Love is a choice. Love is not how we feel (although sometimes we do feel love) but love goes deeper.  Love is a constant choosing to love another person, which is why we make vows on our wedding day. We are vowing to love our spouse even when we don’t feel love towards them. We are vowing to make the choices that love, protect, honor, and encourage our spouse even when they don’t deserve it. We are vowing that we will make the CHOICE to love, in richer or poorer, sickness or health, or whatever else life throws our way.

The problem I find with rudeness or improper behavior is that it changes culturally and generationally. Something that is inappropriate in Sweden may be culturally normal here. Something that would have caused gasps 50 years ago may be completely acceptable now. So by what basis do we judge our propriety?

Like every other aspect of love, I am learning that it seems to be a matter of the heart. It doesn’t seem to necessarily be about the action, but more about the motive behind the action. For instance the Pharisees followed every law and were completely obedient, but Jesus said their hearts were far from God. He called them a brood of vipers! Their actions were honorable, but their hearts were proud. They weren’t following the law out of their love for God or others, they were following the law because they thought they were better than everyone else and more deserving of honor. This type of heart does not put you in good-standing with God. He seems more concerned with our motives: “People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

I’m saying all this because, to me, it directly relates to understanding the heart of “Love is not rude.” I might be rude unintentionally in another culture, simply because of my lack of knowledge about that culture. That doesn’t mean I have been unloving. If someone teaches me what is rude and I do it anyway, that is unloving.

I think we can look at it like this. Have you ever heard yourself or someone else say, “I don’t mean to be rude but…” or following up an inappropriate statement with “no offense!” Sometimes we KNOW we’re being rude. Sometimes we know something is inappropriate but we do it anyway. Why? What is our motive? We have to look at the heart. Am I trying to impress you? Am I trying to get you to think I’m funny? Am I being too honest because I actually want to point our your flaws and puff myself up? Am I trying to draw attention to myself?

This week, as I think about behavior that is unbecoming, inappropriate or rude, I want to look at my heart. I want God to show me when I’m thinking of myself more than others.  I want to learn how to be polite, not because I want to be a better person, but because I want to LOVE more. I want to learn how to love, and how to exude Jesus and the Love of my Father so that it is attractive to others. I think the point here is that being rude or inappropriate is really unattractive, and DOES NOT bring others into the Love of Christ. It turns them AWAY from you, and the miracle of the Good News that you carry every day. We want to draw people in to this Gift, this Love, not turn them away or put a bad taste in their mouth...which is exactly what Rudeness does.

Pride Mountain

This week has made me tired. I have been open to God showing me pride in my own life, because pride tends to blind us to itself. So this week, I was asking God to show me where I struggled with pride but didn’t know it. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I am now officially blown away. I have some serious issues. I need help. I already knew this, trust me, but this week God showed me something that I have struggled with forever. It was already there, and I’ve even seen it before, but this week, God showed me a mountain in my life.

I’m too hard on myself. I have very high standards, and I’m constantly not living up to them. Since I’ve learned a little about grace in my walk, I’ve changed my standards…for everyone else. I can now give grace to others and not desire them to live up to my standards. This was really necessary, trust me, I love so much more deeply now that I’m not afraid of everyone doing everything imperfectly.

But it isn’t ending there. I’ve been in pain this week. I’ve been exhausted. Partly because I’ve been searching and listening and open to God. But mostly because I feel like pride is so deep and so huge that I’ll never stop dealing with it. It is a huge mountain towering in front of me, I see no way through it or around it.

The good part is that God says if I have faith even as small as a mustard seed, I can tell this mountain to throw itself into the sea, and it will.

Not by my might or power, but by God’s Spirit. His will, His grace, His salvation. He isn’t just saving me from death or hell, sometimes He’s also saving me from…me.

We sing a song in our church called Centuries that has a lyric, “What can man to do me?” It’s a beautiful song about resting in God and finding peace in Him alone. As we sang it today, I realized that the “man” in that line is really me. I am my own worst enemy. I am the mountain that stops me from being who I really am. I am the mountain that keeps me from pursuing and chasing the Wild Love I so desire.

But I am also the mustard seed. I can have faith that moves the mountain through Christ in me.

My new prayer is from another song we sing by Ember Days, “Oh, move the mountains, oh, part the seas, Lord. You healed the lepers when they called Your name. You heal the broken, so will You heal me?”

I don’t know how to walk in grace towards myself. It’s something my pride won’t allow me to do, because I like being right and I like being ‘above reproach’ and I want to live to a higher calling because I think that’s what God wants for me. But when I live this way based on pride, I’m missing the entire point of God’s love and grace to His creation.

It’s also not working. This is another realization that has really depressed me this week. Being really hard on myself, beating myself up, and constantly trying to force myself to be better is not actually working. Sure, I can bite my tongue once in a while, but I still say stupid things that hurt people. Sure, I can be a little more patient when there’s a stupid driver in front of me, but I still burst out at my children sometimes. Sure, I can make a list of ways that I’m thankful, but I still analyze my actions constantly and come out six feet under. I don’t want to live like that anymore, because it’s not helping me be a better person. I have to go back to the beginning: live in love, not fear. I have to believe that the more I love God and the more I understand His love for me, the better person I will become. “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you.” If my desire is to do what God wants me to do, and to understand His love, and to pursue Him, He can help me to see the truth about myself, and to accept who I am - not trying to be more than I am, but resting in the fact that He Is.

We heard at church today that some mountains simply crumble and fall into the sea, but some mountains erode slowly during different storms. I’ve seen God erode my mountain during a storm, but I find myself building it back up again. After all, it’s familiar, it’s safe, I’m not sure what will happen when I can’t hide behind it anymore. But I think I am now determined to let the storms come and erode this mountain. I’m determined to destroy the tools and materials that help me build it back up. I’m determined to believe so strongly in God’s power and grace that He can remove this mountain. Even Pride Mountain.

The Opposite of Pride (Part 2)

Humility. For me, it may be one of the most complicated subjects in the bible. We know we need to be humble. But somewhere along the lines, we settle for something that looks and feels like humility, but really is not.  Part of it is the “victim” mentality that you may have read in the last post written by Heather Slagsvol. She gives such great insight into this “false humility” and I’m so grateful for her thoughts. It’s easier to seem humble when we’re constantly the victim, when bad things are always happening “to” us by others in all their pride and selfishness.

But then there’s this other part: the people who actually see themselves as unworthy or having no value. This is NOT true humility. But it’s certainly a tricky one because Philippians talks about Jesus’s humility which is SO CLOSE to ours that it’s no wonder we get it confused.

Here’s what it says:
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Jesus is kind of looking at Himself as less than He really is here, right? He’s thinking about others as more important than himself (He’s Jesus, so this is obviously not true in the grand scheme of things). He’s not looking at Himself as equal to God (even though He was God in the flesh), but He emptied Himself (He became nothing) even to the point of being a lowly bond-servant (or slave). This is so incredible, because in that time a bond-servant was someone who was indebted to their master. Jesus literally became a slave to all of those that He loved.

This is a struggle for us, so imagine the struggle it was for the Jews, who were waiting for a mighty and powerful King to come and set everything right. Instead, Jesus came as a slave to all mankind, taking on their debts as His own and giving them everything, even to the point of death.

This is humility.

Doesn’t it seem like if we just keep looking down on ourselves and saying we’re nothing and constantly serving that we will be truly humble?

Somehow, this doesn’t add up. There’s more here than just the actions of humility. We also have to look at His heart. Jesus did all of these things because HE TRULY LOVED. He was lowly and humble because He knew the bigger picture, He knew what He had to do to draw us back to Him.

When I’m “humble”, looking down on myself, or wearing myself thin in my servitude to others, I have to look at myself and ask, “WHY?” Why am I doing it? Am I doing this so that others will lift me back up? Am I doing it to prove my worth by my work or deeds? Am I doing it because I want others to love me? Am I doing it because it’s the right thing to do?

It must be more than that. My humility, my laying down my life for someone else, my thinking of others as more highly than myself, MUST originate in love. It must NOT originate from sense of duty or thoughts of “I SHOULD”. True humility can only work because I honestly and fully LOVE the Savior of my soul and all the other children He’s created. If my heart begins with love, I believe I can be truly humble, not just walking in some ‘substitute humility’ that exhausts and cripples me.

A Friend's Take on Pride

By Heather Slagsvol. Posted with permission. 

Week 5: Pride (and some boasting, too)

The theme of this week has been weighing on my heart since JJ introduced it, which is funny because I felt like pride was one of the last things I struggled with (hmm…maybe that should have been an instant heads up). I know that I don’t boast about talents or abilities…wait….I THOUGHT I didn’t boast about talents and abilities because I was looking at it from the wrong angle, but today I feel like God revealed something to me about myself. Let me try to walk you through the thought process I had today.

Something happened to me that occurs on a daily basis. I thought that someone had responded to me in a way that was harsher or less sensitive than I would have liked. Yes, this literally happens to me every day. Today was different though, because almost immediately instead of thinking, “Why are people always so mean to me?” I thought, “Why do I always take things the wrong way?” and I immediately thought about 15 Weeks to Love, and what JJ had introduced about pride. So, I got out my computer and looked up the definition of pride. I really thought I knew what it meant, but I wanted to see if there was anything in there that I had missed. The definition that first popped up said, “a dignified or becoming sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position and character.” Simple enough. But that word “becoming” kept sticking out to me. While I also know what it means, I decided to look that word up too to see if anything new stuck out. “Becoming: to give a pleasing effect.” There it is. “To give a pleasing effect”.  It immediately hit me, let me explain….

I am ALWAYS taking things the wrong way. ALWAYS. Too short of a response, an honest answer, something less than I had expected…something that doesn’t give me a “pleasing effect”…

Could it be pride that causes me to think I deserve a specific response from people? I think I actually believe that people constantly mistreat me or take advantage of me on purpose, that I am unappreciated or not respected enough. But in all honesty, if I really think about it, I have only been TRULY treated that way a few times in my life. I am really good at making myself the victim in any situation. I say a nasty thing about someone, and instantly, I blame them. “Well, they are always doing 'this or that' to me”. “Well, I let it bubble up for too long, they are just so MEAN!” I always try to be the innocent one. ALWAYS. I think I believe that I deserve a certain sort of treatment from people...(“a sense of what is DUE to one’s self”). If that’s not pride I don’t know what is.

Since pride is directly related to boasting I decided to go back to last week’s blog entry about it. Oh man. JJ wrote about “boasting in our weaknesses”. There it is. I think that I am “weak” and sweet, and kind, and nice, and blah blah blah, and while I really do try to practice those character traits, I think I have convinced myself that I am never the opposite of those things. It sounds so unbecoming when I say it out loud.

Here are some of my actual go-to statements:
“I always try so hard to be nice….”
“I’m not saying I want or need something in return from them, but….”
“I just feel like we do so much, but….”
“It just seems like we are so unappreciated…..”
(I say “we” because I often suck my poor husband into my crazy.)

All of these statements are my natural defenses, my immediate responses...and they reek of pride and false humility.

Who do I think I am? Jesus?

I am not perfect.
Sometimes I am mean.
I say things about other people that I shouldn’t.
I judge.
I blame others when I respond the wrong way.
I’m not always nice…
or kind…..

….Wow. It really feels good to say those things. I know who I aim to be. And I am not trying to beat myself down or condemn myself for the things I do wrong, because I don’t think that’s right either. But I finally feel like this MAJOR part of my life is starting to make sense. I can only be all the things I want to be through Jesus anyway. I need to step back and take responsibility for my own actions and stop blaming others. I also need to stop thinking that I deserve a specific sort of treatment from people…

I do struggle with pride.

By Heather Slagsvol. Posted with permission.