A Friend's Take on Pride

By Heather Slagsvol. Posted with permission. 

Week 5: Pride (and some boasting, too)

The theme of this week has been weighing on my heart since JJ introduced it, which is funny because I felt like pride was one of the last things I struggled with (hmm…maybe that should have been an instant heads up). I know that I don’t boast about talents or abilities…wait….I THOUGHT I didn’t boast about talents and abilities because I was looking at it from the wrong angle, but today I feel like God revealed something to me about myself. Let me try to walk you through the thought process I had today.

Something happened to me that occurs on a daily basis. I thought that someone had responded to me in a way that was harsher or less sensitive than I would have liked. Yes, this literally happens to me every day. Today was different though, because almost immediately instead of thinking, “Why are people always so mean to me?” I thought, “Why do I always take things the wrong way?” and I immediately thought about 15 Weeks to Love, and what JJ had introduced about pride. So, I got out my computer and looked up the definition of pride. I really thought I knew what it meant, but I wanted to see if there was anything in there that I had missed. The definition that first popped up said, “a dignified or becoming sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position and character.” Simple enough. But that word “becoming” kept sticking out to me. While I also know what it means, I decided to look that word up too to see if anything new stuck out. “Becoming: to give a pleasing effect.” There it is. “To give a pleasing effect”.  It immediately hit me, let me explain….

I am ALWAYS taking things the wrong way. ALWAYS. Too short of a response, an honest answer, something less than I had expected…something that doesn’t give me a “pleasing effect”…

Could it be pride that causes me to think I deserve a specific response from people? I think I actually believe that people constantly mistreat me or take advantage of me on purpose, that I am unappreciated or not respected enough. But in all honesty, if I really think about it, I have only been TRULY treated that way a few times in my life. I am really good at making myself the victim in any situation. I say a nasty thing about someone, and instantly, I blame them. “Well, they are always doing 'this or that' to me”. “Well, I let it bubble up for too long, they are just so MEAN!” I always try to be the innocent one. ALWAYS. I think I believe that I deserve a certain sort of treatment from people...(“a sense of what is DUE to one’s self”). If that’s not pride I don’t know what is.

Since pride is directly related to boasting I decided to go back to last week’s blog entry about it. Oh man. JJ wrote about “boasting in our weaknesses”. There it is. I think that I am “weak” and sweet, and kind, and nice, and blah blah blah, and while I really do try to practice those character traits, I think I have convinced myself that I am never the opposite of those things. It sounds so unbecoming when I say it out loud.

Here are some of my actual go-to statements:
“I always try so hard to be nice….”
“I’m not saying I want or need something in return from them, but….”
“I just feel like we do so much, but….”
“It just seems like we are so unappreciated…..”
(I say “we” because I often suck my poor husband into my crazy.)

All of these statements are my natural defenses, my immediate responses...and they reek of pride and false humility.

Who do I think I am? Jesus?

I am not perfect.
Sometimes I am mean.
I say things about other people that I shouldn’t.
I judge.
I blame others when I respond the wrong way.
I’m not always nice…
or kind…..

….Wow. It really feels good to say those things. I know who I aim to be. And I am not trying to beat myself down or condemn myself for the things I do wrong, because I don’t think that’s right either. But I finally feel like this MAJOR part of my life is starting to make sense. I can only be all the things I want to be through Jesus anyway. I need to step back and take responsibility for my own actions and stop blaming others. I also need to stop thinking that I deserve a specific sort of treatment from people…

I do struggle with pride.

By Heather Slagsvol. Posted with permission.