Love does not seek to cause problems or to belittle others. Love chooses appropriate actions and responses that HELP others. I LOVE the word chooses. Love is a choice. Love is not how we feel (although sometimes we do feel love) but love goes deeper. Love is a constant choosing to love another person, which is why we make vows on our wedding day. We are vowing to love our spouse even when we don’t feel love towards them. We are vowing to make the choices that love, protect, honor, and encourage our spouse even when they don’t deserve it. We are vowing that we will make the CHOICE to love, in richer or poorer, sickness or health, or whatever else life throws our way.
The problem I find with rudeness or improper behavior is that it changes culturally and generationally. Something that is inappropriate in Sweden may be culturally normal here. Something that would have caused gasps 50 years ago may be completely acceptable now. So by what basis do we judge our propriety?
Like every other aspect of love, I am learning that it seems to be a matter of the heart. It doesn’t seem to necessarily be about the action, but more about the motive behind the action. For instance the Pharisees followed every law and were completely obedient, but Jesus said their hearts were far from God. He called them a brood of vipers! Their actions were honorable, but their hearts were proud. They weren’t following the law out of their love for God or others, they were following the law because they thought they were better than everyone else and more deserving of honor. This type of heart does not put you in good-standing with God. He seems more concerned with our motives: “People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
I’m saying all this because, to me, it directly relates to understanding the heart of “Love is not rude.” I might be rude unintentionally in another culture, simply because of my lack of knowledge about that culture. That doesn’t mean I have been unloving. If someone teaches me what is rude and I do it anyway, that is unloving.
I think we can look at it like this. Have you ever heard yourself or someone else say, “I don’t mean to be rude but…” or following up an inappropriate statement with “no offense!” Sometimes we KNOW we’re being rude. Sometimes we know something is inappropriate but we do it anyway. Why? What is our motive? We have to look at the heart. Am I trying to impress you? Am I trying to get you to think I’m funny? Am I being too honest because I actually want to point our your flaws and puff myself up? Am I trying to draw attention to myself?
This week, as I think about behavior that is unbecoming, inappropriate or rude, I want to look at my heart. I want God to show me when I’m thinking of myself more than others. I want to learn how to be polite, not because I want to be a better person, but because I want to LOVE more. I want to learn how to love, and how to exude Jesus and the Love of my Father so that it is attractive to others. I think the point here is that being rude or inappropriate is really unattractive, and DOES NOT bring others into the Love of Christ. It turns them AWAY from you, and the miracle of the Good News that you carry every day. We want to draw people in to this Gift, this Love, not turn them away or put a bad taste in their mouth...which is exactly what Rudeness does.
Thank you so much for doing this Blog study! I learned about it from Cory, and have been following along. I wanted to share with you the Blog post I wrote in response to reading through 1 Corinthians 13 with you. http://sarahsopenbook.blogspot.com/2014/07/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it.html
ReplyDeleteI hope it encourages you as you continue to share with us!