Week 7: Love is Not Self-Seeking

I love this word seeking. It’s implying more than just selfishness. The seeking to me implies a constant search, one that is never satisfied. If I’m self-seeking, I’m constantly looking for things to make me happy, to complete me, to fill my needs. I am not content or at peace, instead I need to constantly fill my own desires at every moment. This is selfishness, yes. Putting my own needs first. But there is more here. Sometimes we can excuse selfishness because it’s necessary to life and makes sense. For instance, take the airplane safety drill: you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. I find this funny, as if I need to be told in a sure-death scenario to take care of myself before helping someone else. This is one rule I’m sure to follow. I’m positive I’d put my own mask on and get myself ready for impact, and then IF I had time leftover to spare I MIGHT think about the other passengers on the plane. But even then, probably not. I’d most likely think of my family, how much I’LL miss them, how said I WILL BE that I don’t get to live the rest of my life. Right? I’ll be thinking of myself, and if you’re a normal human being, you probably would too.

The Greek word in 1 Corinthians 13:5 has really got me thinking about the word seeking. The actual word “zeteo” is not only I seek or search for, but also desire, demand and require. That’s interesting. Some people “require” things from you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes they demand. Sometimes we require people to treat us a certain way, or even demand it. The definition of the word is this: to seek by inquiring; to investigate, to reach a binding resolution; to search, "getting to the bottom of a matter.” It’s kind of like not giving up until you get what you want. And in this case, the “what you want” is something for yourself, for your own gain or pleasure. There is a strong amount of effort shown here, it’s a seeking, a striving, a continual trying to obtain “the things of its own”.

We’re all basically selfish. We know that. If you don’t know it, you’re probably not a parent. But someday if you ARE a parent, you will find out how selfish you are. Recently a good friend of mine had a baby and blogged about her discovery in this area. Check it out. I love it because she’s a really practical and compassionate person. So she knew what it was going to be like, and it still came as a shock. It always does.

We’re born selfish, and there are probably some scientific reasons for this, like in order to stay alive and survive we need these instincts. A baby pretty much needs to cry to inform you of all of its needs (and then some). This is definitely self-seeking. They usually don’t stop until you’ve given them what they need. But this is important to their well-being. If they never cried, we may not know when to feed them, or when to stop feeding them. You get the idea. There is an amount of self-seeking that is healthy, like eating when you’re hungry, or drinking when you’re thirsty, otherwise, you’ll die.

But this doesn’t excuse all the rest of our selfishness. You know, the other 99.999% of the times we’re self-seeking. I would say for most of us in America, all of our basic needs are being met on a daily basis. We aren’t usually going hungry (skipping a meal once in a while because of too much work does not count), most of us have shelter and beds and transportation and healthy water and a whole plethora of other stuff on top of this list that we think we need but don’t really need in order to survive. 

I don’t think Paul is saying “Love doesn’t eat when it’s hungry”. I think Paul is talking about something much deeper and more meaningful. He’s saying “Love isn’t constantly searching to please its own desires. It’s content, thankful, and it’s calm and peaceful enough to see when others have a need, ready to be able to fill that need if God desires Love to do so.” Love is not consumed with itself. It’s not consumed with getting enough done in the day so that it feels accomplished, it’s not consumed with making as much money as possible, it’s not consumed with making sure it eats better than everyone else from fear of cancer, it’s not consumed with plans for the future, worries about tomorrow, events and gatherings and groups and getting in all those yoga classes because my body isn’t what it used to be. Love is not consumed with anything but loving and pleasing God, therefore it’s ready to be patient, to serve, to rejoice with truth, to not lose faith, to always hope, to always endure because it’s not caught up in all the other stuff that we strive for day after day, moment after moment, that ironically drags us far away from what we really need and want! Love is a movement, love is messy, but love is also At Rest because love is not striving to fulfill itself. And the funny part is, once we stop striving to fulfill ourselves, we’ll actually be in a place where we can be fulfilled. “Cease striving, and know that I am God.” This verse in Colossians says it all. God doesn’t just say “stop worrying”. God also adds “I’m God. You’re not. You can rest now.” Love is Not Self-Seeking because “Love is At Rest.” That’s my goal for this week: to be at rest. Will you join me?