The Opposite of Pride (Part 2)

Humility. For me, it may be one of the most complicated subjects in the bible. We know we need to be humble. But somewhere along the lines, we settle for something that looks and feels like humility, but really is not.  Part of it is the “victim” mentality that you may have read in the last post written by Heather Slagsvol. She gives such great insight into this “false humility” and I’m so grateful for her thoughts. It’s easier to seem humble when we’re constantly the victim, when bad things are always happening “to” us by others in all their pride and selfishness.

But then there’s this other part: the people who actually see themselves as unworthy or having no value. This is NOT true humility. But it’s certainly a tricky one because Philippians talks about Jesus’s humility which is SO CLOSE to ours that it’s no wonder we get it confused.

Here’s what it says:
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Jesus is kind of looking at Himself as less than He really is here, right? He’s thinking about others as more important than himself (He’s Jesus, so this is obviously not true in the grand scheme of things). He’s not looking at Himself as equal to God (even though He was God in the flesh), but He emptied Himself (He became nothing) even to the point of being a lowly bond-servant (or slave). This is so incredible, because in that time a bond-servant was someone who was indebted to their master. Jesus literally became a slave to all of those that He loved.

This is a struggle for us, so imagine the struggle it was for the Jews, who were waiting for a mighty and powerful King to come and set everything right. Instead, Jesus came as a slave to all mankind, taking on their debts as His own and giving them everything, even to the point of death.

This is humility.

Doesn’t it seem like if we just keep looking down on ourselves and saying we’re nothing and constantly serving that we will be truly humble?

Somehow, this doesn’t add up. There’s more here than just the actions of humility. We also have to look at His heart. Jesus did all of these things because HE TRULY LOVED. He was lowly and humble because He knew the bigger picture, He knew what He had to do to draw us back to Him.

When I’m “humble”, looking down on myself, or wearing myself thin in my servitude to others, I have to look at myself and ask, “WHY?” Why am I doing it? Am I doing this so that others will lift me back up? Am I doing it to prove my worth by my work or deeds? Am I doing it because I want others to love me? Am I doing it because it’s the right thing to do?

It must be more than that. My humility, my laying down my life for someone else, my thinking of others as more highly than myself, MUST originate in love. It must NOT originate from sense of duty or thoughts of “I SHOULD”. True humility can only work because I honestly and fully LOVE the Savior of my soul and all the other children He’s created. If my heart begins with love, I believe I can be truly humble, not just walking in some ‘substitute humility’ that exhausts and cripples me.

Week 5: Love is Not Proud

I’m seeing three different translations with three different words: proud, arrogant, and rude.  So what does this verse really mean?

The Greek word here means to be puffed up, to bear one’s self loftily.  I’m beginning to see a pattern. These love attributes keep coming down to one thing: Not Self. This study in love is continually showing me that I’m not to focus on myself but instead be concerned with others. Pride is thinking about myself, more highly than I should, and more often than I should. Love is thinking about others, how to serve more, how to help better, how to love fully. Love is also surrendering to God and allowing Him to show me who I am, rather than trying to figure it out in my own strength.

Often times pride stems from insecurity, just like boasting (see Week 4). Because I’m beaten down or have a low self-esteem, I will tend to exaggerate my strengths until it becomes annoying how wonderful I think I am. Some people are even completely blind to their pride, not realizing that their talents are not actually talents at all. Have you ever watched the American Idol try-outs? These people are so blind. They are trying out on American Idol, which means they think they are one of the top singers in the country! Some of them are literally tone-deaf, meaning they can’t even tell which note they are singing. I’m sorry, but no matter how many times your mom told you that you were awesome, I can’t help but wonder if there is some pride in there somewhere, blinding you to the truth.

Which leads me to my next point. We all have some blind spots, don’t we?

I’m absolutely certain there is something in my life that I carry around in pride that I shouldn’t. This week, I’m praying that God will show me. I’m praying that He’ll open my eyes, and show me a weakness I may be overlooking. It might hurt. A lot. Or maybe God will start showing me how much He loves me, and then it won’t hurt so bad when He tells me something I should have already known. He’s good like that.

You know what humbles me at least once a month? Something stupid I said. I say the dumbest things. I say things that are so mean, so hurtful, so idiotic. I usually don’t mean it the way I said it, I just come off really bad. In my head, it sounds like a totally normal and reasonable thing to say, (and maybe kind of funny) but then when it’s out loud, I realize I have offended someone. In high school, this was a talent. I got a lot of laughs from constantly spewing out mean and funny things. As an adult, it’s completely humbling. I wish I didn’t say things that made me want to punch myself in the face. I wish I didn’t say things that made me have to go to that person and apologize and hope they don’t hate me forever. I love people, and I’m trying to show everyone that love, but I’m constantly failing miserably. Why does this keep happening?

Maybe God is trying to get to something in me. Maybe this is my blind spot. I don’t fully understand what it is yet. But as we ask God to speak to us and show us our pride, be open to seeing patterns of pain in your own life. If you hear yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?” you may want to look at your heart…you might find out it’s your own fault. And I bet that pride is blinding you to seeing the truth.

Pride is good at that.

But love is good at setting us free and bringing us to the truth. Thank God that love is also patient, so it never tires of trying to set us free and bring us into the truth, even when we keep ignoring it.

Thank God for Love, to combat all our weaknesses, stupidity, and pride.

Love Is Serving

I’m trying to think of how I can serve more, or how I can be more of a servant. I’m not coming up with much that will actually work. Oh, I have all kinds of ideas on how to improve and serve more. But do you know what I don’t have? Time. Volunteer at a soup kitchen? That’s a great way to serve. But I work all day and have my kids alone all weekend. Cook someone a meal? Yeah, that would be great if I wasn’t going on vacation next week. Clean a new mom’s house? Sure, sure, but that will take too long so I’ll just hire someone else to do it.

It’s not that I don’t know HOW to serve, I just don’t know how to FIND THE TIME to serve. Being kind is super hard.

Don’t think too poorly of me. Mostly, I don’t have time to serve because I’m already serving. I’m constantly serving my kids and my husband. I try to watch my friend’s kids when they need help. I’m always having people over for dinner to serve them. I try to clean up when I’m at people’s houses (I learned this from a good friend who always cleans up at my house when she’s over and wow is it a blessing!) I visit friends who need a visitor. I write to people who may need an encouraging word. I pray. I feel like I do try to serve others. But there are so many people who serve a lot more than I do! I know I’m not doing as well as I could.

I think the "serving" that God wants from us in LOVE here is more precise. I think it’s listening, serving the person in need. I can’t think of any story to show “kindness” and “serving” better than The Good Samaritan.  We know the story… a guy gets robbed and beat up and left on the side of the road to die. A bunch of good religious people see him and leave him there. But then this Samaritan (the guy's enemy) helps him, nurses him back to health and makes sure he’s okay.  That is the kindness found in 1 Corinthians 13:4. 

Am I like the Good Samaritan?

No, I’m just not. I generally leave others to fend for themselves. In fact, in emergency situations, I freeze. I am 90% sure that if one of my kids was about to fall off a cliff, I would instantly freeze instead of diving to save him. I know that sounds awful, but it’s probably true. When I see a bad situation unfolding, I go blank. Sometimes I pass out. (Hopefully if something like this ever happened, my husband would be around, because he is the total opposite! He instinctively runs TOWARD danger and saves everyone. HERO!)

But since Christ is in me, and I’m being made new with the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:2), then I should be changing. I should be more of a servant. I should see when people need help, and be able to help them.  That’s what Christ did. So if I’m taking on the nature of my Father and His Son a little more every day, then surely I can lend a helping hand to someone in need (in a timely fashion.)

It’s not just about danger and near-death experiences. There’s another point to be made from The Good Samaritan. These guys were enemies. They were from opposite sides of the track so to speak. Are there people in my life who need my help that I don’t want to help? Yeah *sigh*. Kindness in LOVE would help them.

Wouldn’t it be great, if we loved our enemies like Jesus said we should? “Serviceable kindness” would be a great place to start.