Week 8: Love is Not Easily Angered

This is an interesting one. Maybe you don’t find yourself to be a very angry person or at least you’re not ‘quick to anger’. But there is another translation you may have read: Love is not 'quick to offense' or ‘easily offended’. I am brought back to Week 6 “Love is Not Rude” because this is the other side of being offended. ‘Love is Not Rude’ means that if I love, I shouldn’t be doing inappropriate or offensive things. I know, trust me, I’m trying. But on the other hand, it also means that I won’t be easily offended by rude and inappropriate things people do. Right?

I wish everyone loved me with this love, because I’m so rude and inappropriate and try so hard not to be. I choose to believe that God is changing my heart, and that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, so He is shaping my heart in His perfect love so that eventually I will never offend or hurt anyone. But until then, will you love me with the love that covers my imperfections? Will you love me so much that when I do something offensive, you stop and think about what I meant, or how I could have said it differently, or think about the fact that maybe I truly didn’t know it was offensive? In Week 6, we talked about how if you don’t know something is offensive, it’s not unloving to do it.  But if you KNOW it’s offensive and do it anyway, THAT is unloving. (Remember men judge the actions, but God judges the heart.) So if I do something that hurts your feelings, but I honestly didn’t know, your love actually needs to cover me and be stronger than your hurt. I’m NOT saying your hurt doesn’t matter. I know it does! I am always so sorry when I’ve offended someone. I DO NOT want to hurt you! Your pain is real and totally valid. But sometimes, our love for others has to be greater than the pain they cause us. I’m not talking about sticking around with an abusive person. I’m talking about not being easily offended by things that rub you the wrong way.

I’m speaking from the perspective of the offender here because typically this is the way it goes for me. It’s not that I’m never offended, I am OCCASIONALLY on the defense of this. When I am, I really try to think about it and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. What did they mean when they said that? Were they just trying to be funny? Did they know that would hurt my feelings? Usually, I can find a valid reason to not be mad at that person. I can chalk it up to different personality, different communication style, etc. But once in a while, I honestly will think you’ve done something purposefully to hurt my feelings, and then I may be offended.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all stopped doing things that hurt other people?

Absolutely!  (I think that’s why Week 6 comes first, it’s better to just not offend people.)

But wouldn’t it also be great if we stopped being offended or angry at the things other people do?

We find this problem heightened in the church. We’re supposed to love each other right? Jesus says the world will know we’re His disciples by our love for each other. The 6th step is to not be a jerk (Week 6), but if I AM a jerk, how many times should you forgive me? Up to 7 times? Remember when Peter asks Jesus this question and Jesus shakes his head and says something like, “dude, not 7 times! Try 70 times 7!” Meaning, don’t count the amount of times, just let it go.

Must I insert here the famous song from Frozen “Let it Go”?

A very wise man once taught in our church about being easily offended. He said to let an offense roll off you “like water off a duck’s back”. If you’re an established FOH member, you’ll remember this teaching by these simple words: “quack, quack”.

Quack, quack, like water off a duck’s back. People are going to be stupid. They’re going to offend you, hurt your feelings, and even be inappropriate and rude. It’s not loving of them, so you have every worldly right to be offended. But do you know what God says? God says love is not easily angered or easily offended. So do you have every spiritual right to be offended? Sometimes, yes. But most of the time, let’s be honest…No. If we really loved each other, we’d see past imperfections, focusing on the good, and loving anyway.

I’m sure you can list my imperfections. I can probably list yours. But our relationships are only going to work if we focus on the good in each other. When my husband does something that drives me crazy, I remind myself of all the wonderful things he does. I do this because I LOVE HIM. And since we’re all supposed to love each other, we should be doing this for EVERYONE. Does this mean never pointing out a fault? Not necessarily. If you really love me and bring something to my attention that I did wrong, I will try to listen to it and take it to heart. But if you bring something to me that I did wrong because you’re angry with me, how do you think I’ll react? Probably not great. Speaking truth is important, but it’s completely useless (like a clanging symbol) unless I’m speaking the truth IN LOVE. 

This week, let’s look at areas where we’re easily angered or offended. Let’s forgive people who offend us. And please keep in mind, that others may still be working on Week 6 and allowing God to work in their hearts so that they offend less. Please remember when I do something rude that I really love you, and am trying to love you the way God commands me to. And then when you’re offended by me, I’ll remember that you love me, and I’ll forgive you for not covering my faults.

What’s the Big Deal?

I am wondering why Paul felt that the word rude or inappropriate was so important to the list of love attributes. It seems like a small thing, and this week I didn’t have to think about it much, which is saying a lot, since I would tend to consider myself an inappropriate person. For instance, I don’t seem to pick up on normal social cues, which puts me in awkward situations more than I would like. I also seem to cross the line when I’m in a group setting, and just in general, I find being inappropriate quite humorous. With all of that being said, I don’t feel that I struggled this week with being rude. At least, not to your face.

I may not have said the wrong thing or acted unbecomingly, but in my heart, or to my husband, or to my close friends, I may have complained about you. I may have said something rude about you, or thought of something I wish I could tell you because you’re messing it up. I may have even said that you’re not thankful enough for me and all that I do for you. All of those things (although hidden to most) are rude and inappropriate and unbecoming. When I talk about someone, I look bad. I become a gossip and an untrustworthy, un-LOVING person. The exact opposite of a Christ-follower.

So I find myself once again at the place between “acting in love” and “being in love”. How sad would this whole campaign be if it only taught me how to act out love but not to actually love. If I’m only cross-checking my actions and how I’ve affected others, and never actually looked at my heart, what have I gained? I keep coming back to the heart. It has to come from my heart first. But how?

First and foremost, I am praying. I am asking God constantly to change my heart, mold me, shape me, to give me His love. This whole 15 weeks may be in vain if it doesn’t start with His love and grace taking shape within me.

Week 5: Love is Not Proud

I’m seeing three different translations with three different words: proud, arrogant, and rude.  So what does this verse really mean?

The Greek word here means to be puffed up, to bear one’s self loftily.  I’m beginning to see a pattern. These love attributes keep coming down to one thing: Not Self. This study in love is continually showing me that I’m not to focus on myself but instead be concerned with others. Pride is thinking about myself, more highly than I should, and more often than I should. Love is thinking about others, how to serve more, how to help better, how to love fully. Love is also surrendering to God and allowing Him to show me who I am, rather than trying to figure it out in my own strength.

Often times pride stems from insecurity, just like boasting (see Week 4). Because I’m beaten down or have a low self-esteem, I will tend to exaggerate my strengths until it becomes annoying how wonderful I think I am. Some people are even completely blind to their pride, not realizing that their talents are not actually talents at all. Have you ever watched the American Idol try-outs? These people are so blind. They are trying out on American Idol, which means they think they are one of the top singers in the country! Some of them are literally tone-deaf, meaning they can’t even tell which note they are singing. I’m sorry, but no matter how many times your mom told you that you were awesome, I can’t help but wonder if there is some pride in there somewhere, blinding you to the truth.

Which leads me to my next point. We all have some blind spots, don’t we?

I’m absolutely certain there is something in my life that I carry around in pride that I shouldn’t. This week, I’m praying that God will show me. I’m praying that He’ll open my eyes, and show me a weakness I may be overlooking. It might hurt. A lot. Or maybe God will start showing me how much He loves me, and then it won’t hurt so bad when He tells me something I should have already known. He’s good like that.

You know what humbles me at least once a month? Something stupid I said. I say the dumbest things. I say things that are so mean, so hurtful, so idiotic. I usually don’t mean it the way I said it, I just come off really bad. In my head, it sounds like a totally normal and reasonable thing to say, (and maybe kind of funny) but then when it’s out loud, I realize I have offended someone. In high school, this was a talent. I got a lot of laughs from constantly spewing out mean and funny things. As an adult, it’s completely humbling. I wish I didn’t say things that made me want to punch myself in the face. I wish I didn’t say things that made me have to go to that person and apologize and hope they don’t hate me forever. I love people, and I’m trying to show everyone that love, but I’m constantly failing miserably. Why does this keep happening?

Maybe God is trying to get to something in me. Maybe this is my blind spot. I don’t fully understand what it is yet. But as we ask God to speak to us and show us our pride, be open to seeing patterns of pain in your own life. If you hear yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?” you may want to look at your heart…you might find out it’s your own fault. And I bet that pride is blinding you to seeing the truth.

Pride is good at that.

But love is good at setting us free and bringing us to the truth. Thank God that love is also patient, so it never tires of trying to set us free and bring us into the truth, even when we keep ignoring it.

Thank God for Love, to combat all our weaknesses, stupidity, and pride.