The Opposite of Pride (Part 1)

In order to truly not be proud I need to instead be humble. But how do I walk in true humility?

First of all, to combat pride we should be aware of a few things:

• We were made from dust.
• We would not be here if it wasn’t for our Perfect Creator.
• We can’t be “good” and make it to heaven on our own.
• Nothing we do can wash us clean and make us spotless before God.
• All the things I know about God have only been ‘revealed’ to me by God Himself.

My kids recently were taught the difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ at a summer camp. I get the 5-year-old’s interpretation from whatever bible teaching they just heard, which gives me a very simplified version, I’m sure. However, they explained to me that “sin” or doing something bad is like throwing dirt on a clean shirt. Ok, that sounds right. But do you know what my son said next? He asked me if being good made his shirt clean again? I stopped to think. I had to tell him the truth. “No, you will never be able to clean your own shirt. Only Jesus can make you clean.”

Isn’t that a little humbling?

There is no amount of service, kindness, patience, good deeds, feeding the poor, helping widows, etc, that makes you clean in God’s eyes.  The good thing is that…He cleans us. He sacrificed His own self to clean us and make us right with Him.

If I could walk in this every day, I would be sure to be humble. But I might also feel like nothing, and my life might seem purposeless. Is that true humility?

We need to be careful with pride not to swing the pendulum all the way to other side. Let’s talk about false humility later.

For now, would you join me this week? Would you seek God about areas you may be dealing with pride and not even know?

Tell me what you find out about pride and humility, and let’s walk in this together.

Week 5: Love is Not Proud

I’m seeing three different translations with three different words: proud, arrogant, and rude.  So what does this verse really mean?

The Greek word here means to be puffed up, to bear one’s self loftily.  I’m beginning to see a pattern. These love attributes keep coming down to one thing: Not Self. This study in love is continually showing me that I’m not to focus on myself but instead be concerned with others. Pride is thinking about myself, more highly than I should, and more often than I should. Love is thinking about others, how to serve more, how to help better, how to love fully. Love is also surrendering to God and allowing Him to show me who I am, rather than trying to figure it out in my own strength.

Often times pride stems from insecurity, just like boasting (see Week 4). Because I’m beaten down or have a low self-esteem, I will tend to exaggerate my strengths until it becomes annoying how wonderful I think I am. Some people are even completely blind to their pride, not realizing that their talents are not actually talents at all. Have you ever watched the American Idol try-outs? These people are so blind. They are trying out on American Idol, which means they think they are one of the top singers in the country! Some of them are literally tone-deaf, meaning they can’t even tell which note they are singing. I’m sorry, but no matter how many times your mom told you that you were awesome, I can’t help but wonder if there is some pride in there somewhere, blinding you to the truth.

Which leads me to my next point. We all have some blind spots, don’t we?

I’m absolutely certain there is something in my life that I carry around in pride that I shouldn’t. This week, I’m praying that God will show me. I’m praying that He’ll open my eyes, and show me a weakness I may be overlooking. It might hurt. A lot. Or maybe God will start showing me how much He loves me, and then it won’t hurt so bad when He tells me something I should have already known. He’s good like that.

You know what humbles me at least once a month? Something stupid I said. I say the dumbest things. I say things that are so mean, so hurtful, so idiotic. I usually don’t mean it the way I said it, I just come off really bad. In my head, it sounds like a totally normal and reasonable thing to say, (and maybe kind of funny) but then when it’s out loud, I realize I have offended someone. In high school, this was a talent. I got a lot of laughs from constantly spewing out mean and funny things. As an adult, it’s completely humbling. I wish I didn’t say things that made me want to punch myself in the face. I wish I didn’t say things that made me have to go to that person and apologize and hope they don’t hate me forever. I love people, and I’m trying to show everyone that love, but I’m constantly failing miserably. Why does this keep happening?

Maybe God is trying to get to something in me. Maybe this is my blind spot. I don’t fully understand what it is yet. But as we ask God to speak to us and show us our pride, be open to seeing patterns of pain in your own life. If you hear yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?” you may want to look at your heart…you might find out it’s your own fault. And I bet that pride is blinding you to seeing the truth.

Pride is good at that.

But love is good at setting us free and bringing us to the truth. Thank God that love is also patient, so it never tires of trying to set us free and bring us into the truth, even when we keep ignoring it.

Thank God for Love, to combat all our weaknesses, stupidity, and pride.

Did I Boast Less?

It’s coming to the end of Week 4 and I’ve only written one post about “Not Boasting”.  This is partly because it’s pretty self-explanatory and I haven’t found many angles to write about. But did I find myself boasting less? Did I find myself listening more? I think I tried a little harder to be more aware of what others wanted to say. But I’m not sure I really got the whole point of not boasting. So let’s look at what the bible says about it.

Paul talks about boasting a lot in his second letter to the Corinthians. I think this is funny, because as you know his first letter to the Corinthians includes the whole basis of this campaign, the 15 Love attributes that we are following. So I think it’s a little funny that in his second letter, he had to dive into detail here about boasting, when he made it clear that love does not boast. He says in Chapter 10 verse 17, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”  Translating to JJ language: “Can’t you go a few minutes without boasting?! Geez, if you absolutely HAVE to boast, at least boast about your God!”

I DON’T think the point is that it’s good to walk around boasting about God (remember how annoying bragging can be?), but I think the point is that if you can’t stop yourself from boasting, at least boast about something that makes sense to boast about, like for instance, the Creator of all living things?

If I walk around boasting about God constantly, I don’t think I’m necessarily in the clear.

Then in Chapter 11 verse 30, Paul starts talking about how if the Corinthians feel the need to MAKE Paul boast, he’ll only boast about his weaknesses. He justifies this by showing that in his weakness, He shows God’s glory. But he’s saying he’ll do this because they are forcing him to boast. (It’s a complicated letter, Paul gets pretty worked up and VERY sarcastic in here, have a read.)

So can I safely boast about God and my weaknesses? The bible makes me think that it’s at least SAFER than boasting about myself. But I still don’t think God wants us to do it.

When Paul wrote that ‘Love does not Boast’, he actually meant that we just shouldn’t boast. Period. Walking around and saying every weakness we have (boasting in weaknesses), or constantly praising God out loud for all to hear (boasting in God) isn’t necessarily a welcoming, inviting, loving thing to do. It basically turns people off to you and God. I don’t think God likes it when we make Him look bad.

Please don’t get me wrong, I love worshiping God and praising Him. I’m always trying to be more thankful and acknowledge all the amazing gifts He’s given me. But if I’m constantly telling you about how wonderful God is, doesn’t it kind of feel like I’m trying too hard to make him look good? And doesn’t that kind of make him look bad?

Think about it like this. You’re single and a friend calls to tell you how PERFECT this one guy is (she’s trying to set you up again). She goes on and on about him, most likely exaggerating...doesn’t it turn you off a little? I mean come on, she’s just trying too hard to make him sound good.

I don’t think God wants to be that guy.

I think God can show how awesome He is without our boasting.

But remember, if you HAVE to boast, at least boast about God.

Tomorrow we start Week 5, 'Love is Not Proud'. Boasting and Pride go well together, so we can look at this like an extension of Week 4. Yay!

Week 4: Love Does Not Boast

This is a funny one for me, as I come from a family of boasters.  We don’t mean any harm.  We would be genuinely happy for you if you did something great, so we assume if we do something great, you’ll be happy for us, too. I know it can be annoying. I’ve seen people’s faces. I’ve heard their comments. I’ve even seen people pull away and be bitter. Why? Why does it bother people so much when someone is bragging? Think about it. Is it really THAT big of a deal?

Well, God seems to think so.

Bragging is instantly annoying to others because it’s like saying, “I care more about myself than you.”  Generally, humans actually believe this, but bragging displays right out in the open (in your face), “I don’t care about you.” That isn’t actually what I’m thinking when I brag. It’s usually more like, “maybe if this person knew the things I do, they’ll like me and be my friend.”  How ironic.

If I actually loved everyone the way God called me to, I would be eager to hear what THEY have to say, not eager to tell them how great I am. 

In my case, and probably for a lot of others as well, it stems from an insecurity. If you catch me talking about myself, it’s usually because I’m so nervous we’ll be standing together in silence and awkwardness with nothing to say. I have explained recently to some women in my church that if I just stop talking and walk away, it’s because I generally don’t know how to carry on a conversation successfully, so I leave when I have nothing else to say. I’m not really sure what I’m nervous about, but nonetheless, in addition to loving better, I’m working on my people skills.

The original Greek word found in 1 Corinthians 13:4 means “to boast or point to oneself.” I like this phrase, “to point to oneself” because it is the opposite of love. Love points outward. Love lifts up, encourages, and exults. Not to itself but to God and others. Boasting is a form of selfishness. My fear of empty space in conversation is also a form of selfishness. If I cared more about you, maybe I’d be able to converse better with you. I’m not great on the spot, so usually when I know I’ll see someone, I think of a list of about 10 questions to ask them when the moment is ready. This is just an exercise for me to get better at talking and listening, but it’s also teaching me how to think about other people instead of myself.

If Love does NOT Boast, than maybe this week I should try to be a better listener, caring more about what others have to say than getting all my thoughts out. Want to try it with me?

How can God be called ‘Jealous’?

The bible definitely talks about envy and jealousy in the way we understand it. Psalms and Proverbs are constantly telling us to not envy the wicked and their riches. Ecclesiastes talks about our envy of others causing us to strive in achievement. There is no mystery about what this word means when it was translated from Greek to English. So how can the bible say “Love is not jealous”, and yet say that God’s own name is ‘Jealous’ (Exodus 34:14)? Not to mention the hundreds of verses where it says ‘God is jealous’. The bible even mentions a few times when God provokes jealousy in His people because He wants their hearts to turn back to Him. Even Paul writes to the Christians that he wishes he could make the Israelites jealous so that they would want Jesus. Why would God want us to be jealous, but then say, “love is not jealous”. Isn’t God Himself Love?

Confusing. But I think there’s so much here we can learn. I think it would help if we looked at it the way we look at…sex. (Sorry, PG-13, but hear me out.) There is healthy sex and there is unhealthy sex. Healthy sex brings life and healing and joy. Unhealthy sex brings pain and longing and damage. There seems to be a “healthy jealousy” in the bible. When God is jealous, His desire is for us (mostly after we’ve turned away from Him.) He is angry with His bride, Israel, because she’s broken her covenant with Him and whored around to whoever would sleep with her. His jealousy is a healthy jealousy that invokes Him to fight for His bride. What woman doesn’t want to be chased by the man they love?

I recently watched How to Train Your Dragon 2 with my kids and was blown away by a scene where the main character (Hiccup) finds his long lost mother (thought to be killed by a dragon 20 years ago) reuniting with his father, the ruler of the Vikings. He’s a big, scary, stubborn kind of guy. When he sees his wife for the first time in a long time, he is serious, yet full of emotion, and he is…gentle. He loves her, and welcomes her back to be his wife again even though she wandered off without looking back.

I love this scene because it reminds me of God’s heart for us. It doesn’t matter what we do. He always desires for us to come back to Him. He just keeps trying, keeps waiting, in patience (week one), and kindness (week two), for us to love Him back. He is jealous for us, because we are His bride, and He’s supposed to be jealous for His bride, just like we are supposed to be jealous for Him.  This is healthy jealousy.

So what is unhealthy jealousy? 1 Corinthians is saying that love is not jealous for the wrong things. Love isn’t jealous for a nice house, a good job, a better personality, a smaller nose, quiet children, or a helpful husband. Love is jealous only for the Lover of our souls! Our jealousy can not be aimed at anything but His heart and loving Him. That is what Paul meant when he wrote “Love is not jealous”. He means love doesn’t look around and see all the things it doesn’t have.  Love is being so committed and connected to God’s heart, that we just want more of Him, and all the other stuff we want fades away into the distance, because Love realizes nothing comes close to the Lover's embrace.

Week Three: Love is not Envious

I typically don’t envy other people. I don’t see the point. Being jealous doesn’t bring me any closer to having what someone else has, it only makes me feel bad about myself, so what’s the point?  But just because I don’t normally get jealous of other people, doesn’t mean I don’t need to improve in this area. You know what the opposite of not being jealous of others would be? (Other than being happy for them of course.) Being thankful for what I have. That would pretty much cure our envy most of the time, wouldn’t it?

My husband and I bought this house that needed a ton of work. When we first looked at it, we saw what it could be. It needed paint, new bathrooms, floors, some new walls, new appliances, and the entire outside of the house, roof, and yard needed a complete overhaul. What were we thinking? We saw the potential, and we fell in love with it, so we bought it. We’ve done a TON of work, and it’s a  decent house now. But do you know what I see when I look at it? All the stuff we haven’t done yet. That’s all I see. I can’t enjoy my yard, because all I see is the pile of junk there, the weeds that aren’t getting cut over there, the overgrowth of whatever that is over there. There is so much work to do! I’m not exactly envying someone else, but I’m not at all being thankful for what I have. What if when I looked at my yard, I saw how much beauty we’ve sowed, how much transformation has taken place?

I know this is slightly different from envy, but I think it will help us to see how we can be loving in this area. We think the opposite of being envious is saying “oh that’s so great that they get to do that (poor me I can’t) but I’m not going to focus on me, I’m going to be happy for them!" I’m not sure that’s going to work. I think what will work is saying “oh that’s so great that they get to do that. I’m so thankful that I have this or that I get to do that.”

Does that make sense? We’re kind of killing two birds with one stone. I know there isn’t a ‘Love is Thankful’ week, but don’t you think thankfulness will remove all our envy? 

Maybe I can apply this to more than just my yard. Maybe I should apply it to the people in my life who aren’t what I want them to be. (CAUTION, DANGER ZONE.)

Don’t we look at people the same way I look at my yard?  There’s just so much to do. He has such a long way to go... If my son was just more like that... If my daughter was just less like this... If my husband would just treat me like this...

Isn’t that a dangerous place to be in? Somehow this feels like envy to me. Wishing people were something they’re not. Instead of being thankful for the things they are. Wow. Imagine if I lived like that!

Imagine if you had a mental list of all the ways your husband blesses you and is wonderful that you could tell yourself when he does that thing that he always does that you can’t stand!  Don’t you think it would help your heart to love him more?

I’m fortunate to have an amazing husband, so maybe it’s not fair. But he still has his moments. He has a lot of them.  There are things I think he should do, ways I think he should change. But you know what? I bet he could say the same for me. (AH!) And I DO NOT want to hear those things. You know what I hope he does when he’s mad at me? I hope he remembers all the good things about me. I hope he thinks about how I pick up his dirty socks off the floor by the laundry basket EVERY DAY, and I hope he remembers that I bring him his favorite coffee when he’s at work, or that I’m fun to be with. I hope he thinks of all those things when I do something stupid, because when I think about it, I do A LOT of stupid things.

I hope he doesn’t get jealous when he sees some other perfect wife. That would be crazy. And totally unloving. So it’s not okay for me either. 

Since this week is a Love-is-NOT-something week, and since just trying to NOT do something is really hard, I think our practice this week should be in thankfulness.  

And don't forget to be patient and serviceably kind, too.

Love Is Serving

I’m trying to think of how I can serve more, or how I can be more of a servant. I’m not coming up with much that will actually work. Oh, I have all kinds of ideas on how to improve and serve more. But do you know what I don’t have? Time. Volunteer at a soup kitchen? That’s a great way to serve. But I work all day and have my kids alone all weekend. Cook someone a meal? Yeah, that would be great if I wasn’t going on vacation next week. Clean a new mom’s house? Sure, sure, but that will take too long so I’ll just hire someone else to do it.

It’s not that I don’t know HOW to serve, I just don’t know how to FIND THE TIME to serve. Being kind is super hard.

Don’t think too poorly of me. Mostly, I don’t have time to serve because I’m already serving. I’m constantly serving my kids and my husband. I try to watch my friend’s kids when they need help. I’m always having people over for dinner to serve them. I try to clean up when I’m at people’s houses (I learned this from a good friend who always cleans up at my house when she’s over and wow is it a blessing!) I visit friends who need a visitor. I write to people who may need an encouraging word. I pray. I feel like I do try to serve others. But there are so many people who serve a lot more than I do! I know I’m not doing as well as I could.

I think the "serving" that God wants from us in LOVE here is more precise. I think it’s listening, serving the person in need. I can’t think of any story to show “kindness” and “serving” better than The Good Samaritan.  We know the story… a guy gets robbed and beat up and left on the side of the road to die. A bunch of good religious people see him and leave him there. But then this Samaritan (the guy's enemy) helps him, nurses him back to health and makes sure he’s okay.  That is the kindness found in 1 Corinthians 13:4. 

Am I like the Good Samaritan?

No, I’m just not. I generally leave others to fend for themselves. In fact, in emergency situations, I freeze. I am 90% sure that if one of my kids was about to fall off a cliff, I would instantly freeze instead of diving to save him. I know that sounds awful, but it’s probably true. When I see a bad situation unfolding, I go blank. Sometimes I pass out. (Hopefully if something like this ever happened, my husband would be around, because he is the total opposite! He instinctively runs TOWARD danger and saves everyone. HERO!)

But since Christ is in me, and I’m being made new with the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:2), then I should be changing. I should be more of a servant. I should see when people need help, and be able to help them.  That’s what Christ did. So if I’m taking on the nature of my Father and His Son a little more every day, then surely I can lend a helping hand to someone in need (in a timely fashion.)

It’s not just about danger and near-death experiences. There’s another point to be made from The Good Samaritan. These guys were enemies. They were from opposite sides of the track so to speak. Are there people in my life who need my help that I don’t want to help? Yeah *sigh*. Kindness in LOVE would help them.

Wouldn’t it be great, if we loved our enemies like Jesus said we should? “Serviceable kindness” would be a great place to start.